Things that I will always love more than you
Dear future boyfriend,
First off, I just want to say that you are such a catch! I mean, here you are: a guy who puts up with me! I am so lucky to have you, future boyfriend, and I just want you to know that. I love your (insert adjective here) and the way you (verb). (Note to self: add descriptors once you actually meet future boyfriend.)
But there’s a few things you need to know, and I have incorporated them here into this handy list. It’s a list of things that I will always love more than you.
1. Elijah Snow. No matter how awesome you are, future boyfriend, unless you were trained in the art of detecting at the knee of the best fictional detective ever (Sherlock Holmes), you cannot compare to Elijah Snow.
Weakness for white foxes: revealed.
Ooooh, and also, you would have to never, ever age, and have the power to freeze stuff and then shatter the hell out of it.
For example, Dracula's crotch.
2. Speaking of the best fictional detective ever: Sherlock Holmes. It’s true, future boyfriend, that there are not many things in this world that I love more than Sherlock Holmes, and I would have to include you on the list (of things that I do not).
Guy Ritchie is something I love much, much less than Sherlock Holmes.
3. Chuck. That show is so cute and I love it (more than you). I hope, if there is a fifth season, it doesn’t suck as bad as the fifth seasons of other shows I used to love, House, I’m looking at you.
Damn, Chuck's girlfriend looks good in leather.
4. Eric Elbogen. Unless future boyfriend and Eric Elbogen are one in the same (pardon me while I laugh at my audacity!), there is just no measuring up to a guy who has written a song about playing Ms. Pac-man.
And he has a head of hair I want to tousle SO BAD.
5. Lone Wolf and Cub. No, future boyfriend, you will never be as awesome as one of the best manga series ever, and I hope you don’t mind if I ask to be alone while I read my copies.
Quiet, you! This is my "me" time!
6. Spike Spiegel. I shouldn’t have to explain why Spike Spiegel is more awesome than you, should I? Fine: he’s tall, thin, tragic yet always has a snappy comeback, and practices jeet kune do. Also, he has a spaceship and is a bounty hunter. In space. He’s a bounty hunter in space.
Bounty hunter. In space.
7. Cowboy Bebop. Spike Spiegel is a character in the best anime ever, and I will always, always love that anime more than you.
There is no way Hollywood won't frak up a live-action version of this show.
8. “Roslin and Adama.” Bear McCreary wrote one of the world’s most beautiful pieces of music for the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica, and I just can’t imagine that you could possibly make me feel the way it does.
Also, I was totally 'shipping them the whole series.
9. Bulkogi. Man, bulkogi is good. I wish we had a decent Korean joint around here.
I like my bulkogi with carrots and onions.
10. Japan. Japan is crazy and awesome. You, future boyfriend, might be crazy and awesome too, but are you the birthplace of the ninja? No. No, you are not.
I love you, Japan! Call me!
Rachel said,
January 21, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Bruce Campbell:
lokifire said,
January 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Dear future boyfriend, I will always love this commercial more than you.
Jamin said,
January 21, 2011 at 6:27 pm
yeah, how did Bruce Campbell not make your list? is it possible you could love a future boyfriend more than The Bruce? that seems unlikely to me.
lokifire said,
January 21, 2011 at 7:34 pm
No, of course it’s not possible! Nothing could be less possible! But it was a top ten list! I could only include 10 things! And I’d already put in plenty of human/humanoid beings, so I figured I owed food and places their due.
dangerousmeredith said,
January 22, 2011 at 1:38 am
I love Japan too! I lived there between 1999-2001. Poverty has meant that I haven’t been able to go back but this year I think I will be able to save up and go back there for a holiday. Hurrah!
I have never read the Lone Wolf and Cub manga but I find the films to be quite, quite fascinating. Have you seen them?
lokifire said,
January 23, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I’m saving up for a trip to Japan too! I’m going to go to the beading district and the Iga Ninja Museum and Shibuya and Harajaku ….
I’ve never seen the films, but I’ve heard good things about them. You should really read the manga. It is AWESOME.
dangerousmeredith said,
January 23, 2011 at 4:35 pm
I would like to read the manga to see if it has influenced the look of the films, which are very beautifully shot.
What’s a beading district?
There’s an Iga Ninja Museum??? Hot diggety I’ll have to get to that one day. Have you seen an old black and white Japanese TV series called ‘Shintaro’? Iga Ninja figured largely in that.
lokifire said,
January 24, 2011 at 12:20 pm
A beading district is the district filled with BEAD STORES ONLY BEAD STORES OMIGOD IT IS HEAVEN FOR BEADERS!!
*Ahem*
There’s also a Kouga Ninja Museum, but I’ve always been partial to the Iga clan. (Even though I’ve never seen “Shintaro.”)
dangerousmeredith said,
January 24, 2011 at 5:05 pm
Check out Shintaro if you can find it. It’s old and hokey and earnest and black and white and rather darling.