Are you dating a Hobbit? A modern teen’s guide

April 1, 2011 at 10:50 am (Top Ten) (, )

With the proliferation of fantastical creatures out there in the modern dating world, it’s sometimes hard to know exactly what kind of weirdo you’ve got. But never fear: I’m here to help. This guide will help you discern if you are dating a Hobbit or just a short guy.

Or a short guy who played a Hobbit in the movies.

1. Does he have big, hairy feet?

The internet says these are hobbit feet, but if they just belong to some hairy guy, I am officially issuing an apology to him.

2. Does he seem unwilling to give you a ring?

Eh, maybe you should be grateful. Power corrupts and all.

3. Does he spend a lot of quality time with his long-haired hippie friends?

Hippie.

 

Damn hippie.

Damn dirty hippie.

 

4. Do you live on Middle Earth?

Oh, look, a helpful map.

5.  Does he have a cute little upturned nose?

Hobbit? Or Charlie from Lost?

6. When he’s not hanging out with hippies, is he pretty much unseparable from his BFF?

If you're wondering: Yes, if his best friend looks at him like that, you should indeed be concerned.

7. Does he pity, small, weak, hideously ugly creatures?

With nasty teeth and a bad habit of calling things "preciousssss"?

8. Can only he defeat a great evil?

Ugh. I so need eyedrops right now.

9. Does he have an odd name, like “Bilbo” or “Frodo” or “Samwise”?

Nope. Couldn't resist using a photo of Ian Holm.

10. I mentioned the big, ugly, hairy feet, right?

Ummmm … there’s a market for these?

 Well, there. I certainly assume that answered all your questions.

Now, please enjoy the final movement of Johan de Miej’s Lord of the Rings Symphony. (It’s called Hobbits.)

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3 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    i’ve been accused of having “Hobbit feet”, but they’re not nearly that hairy. heck, you could braid the hair on those feet!

    • lokifire said,

      Maybe the braiding is why hobbits are so popular with the ladies.

  2. Rogers said,

    nice feet

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