A secret history of Amanda Seyfried’s bad choices

February 24, 2012 at 11:01 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, )

OK, so it’s not a secret, really. I mean, we’ve all seen Amanda Seyfried pick terrible, horrible, awful movies to star in. And that’s OK, Amanda! Even beautiful and talented people have to pay bills! We understand. We do.

Wait ... why do you have to pay bills again? Don't people just look at you and want to give you things for free?

But don’t you think by now you’ve maybe saved up enough money you could say no to things like Gone? Or maybe you need someone to help you manage your money so you don’t have to take everything that comes your way?

Look, I know they're calling it "thrilling" and "heart taking," but ... Wait, why are they calling it "heart taking," anyway? That doesn't even make sense.

I think you’re great, Amanda Seyfried, and a lot of that has to do with residual love for dead Lily from Veronica Mars, because, since then … well … Dear John? Jennifer’s Body? Red Riding Hood? Can’t you throw a quality indie flick in there once in a while? (Unless it was Letters to Juliet, in which case, I’d prefer a blockbuster action film, then.)

So, anyway, in Gone, Amanda Seyfried, you play a girl who was abducted by a serial killer, but you got away and now he’s come back for you except he got your sister instead and the cops won’t listen to you. So you have 12 hours to find her omigod will you make it in time?

But what’s really bugging me, Amanda Seyfried, is the scene where you’re driving along on the phone (that’s dangerous, Amanda! Stop it!) and the man on the other end of the line says: “Who is this?” And you say: “You know who this is. And I know who you are.”

So why did it take you so long to find a guy that tried to murder you a year ago?

Obviously, the authorities weren’t going to do anything about it, so you just decided to sit back and wait for him to kill more girls? I mean, seriously, if you were able to find this guy in 12 hours (and I know it’s 12 hours, because the trailer makes a big deal about you only having 12 hours), then why didn’t you do it sooner? You knew the cops didn’t believe you, so track the guy down yourself and then we could have a movie about how you killed the guy that tried to kill you instead of this one.

Excuse me for a moment, Amanda, whilst I go copyright that plot. My movie will be AWESOME. You can star in it, if you want.

Not that I blame you for that, Amanda Seyfried. It was clearly writer Allison Burnett’s fault.

I could never blame someone this pretty. Unless she was mean to me in high school. Then I could blame her a lot.

But maybe it’s something to consider in the future? Like, when you’re thinking of saying yes to every single script ever?

PS: When you die, can I have your hair? I promise I wouldn't do anything awful with it.

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4 Comments

  1. madiexo said,

    I have to agree she doesn’t make the best movie choices. Tsk Tsk Amanda! But i do love her in Veronica Mars & Dear John. She’s that pretty she can get away with doing bad movies anyway, I think that’s how she justifies to to herself as well!

  2. john burt said,

    Sometimes probably pretty people and other people too aren’t clever enough to tell if a movie has any chance of not sucking and they just keep rolling the dice as long as they can untill the day when their prettiness dies. Also Amanda Seigfried and the like probably could wander around being given stuff for free which they could then sell on ebay to pay the bills, but they are probably surrounded by a bunch of people who are complete trolls in comparison and need Amanda Seigried and the like to keep on making any kind of movie at all so that they can keep paying their bills ‘coz noone gonna be giving these relatively troll-like people nothing for free and no mistake. They’re probably all ‘yeh Amanda Seigfried this script is literally THE BEST thing we have ever read you MUST MUST MUST do it’ while slyly glancing to each other in a ‘OH MY GOD it’s going to be so SO BAD’ way. Poor Amanda Seigfried.

  3. les mis fan :) said,

    I’m sorry but i find that amanda is just amazing and yes these movies arent the best, but you would understand if you were an actress trying to settle down in the movie industry. you have to take every oppurtunity but i agree with you that shes got such potential and will go far, but no ones giving her amazing movie offers wich i find stupid and ridiculous

    • lokifire said,

      Errr, you probably shouldn’t take EVERY opportunity, or you’ll end up in porn.

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