Agent Mulder vs. “Coop”
Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, someone decided to let David Lynch have his own television series. That’s crazy! Anyhow, the protaganist of the series was an offbeat FBI agent known as Coop. He had a full name, but no one called him that, because why would you when you can call someone Coop?
Coop stands tall as one of the best TV characters ever, in any galaxy.
But is he a better FBI agent than the X-Files’ Fox Mulder?
I’ma hurt you, Coop.
Diane? The ties here are retro.
Let’s compare.
Physicality:
Winner? Fox Mulder. Sure, there was something a little bit sexy about our boy Coop, and he had a head of hair to die for, but I’m sure we all remember that infamous red Speedo scene in the X-files, right? Fox Mulder has a rockin’ body.
Cases solved:
Winner? Fox Mulder. Look, I’m sorry, Coop, but Mulder solved an average of one case an episode, for about 20 cases each season and with five good seasons (I know there were more than five seasons. We’re counting good seasons) under his belt, that’s one hundred cases. What did you do? Found out “who killed Laura Palmer?” Well, bully for you, Coop, but Mulder probably could’ve done it AND not ended up trapped in some horrible alternate dimension. Just sayin’.
Crime-solving style:
Winner? Coop, all the way. Mulder, despite his “I believe” mantra, really needed facts to solve his cases. Coop, on the other hand, had visions of a backwards-talking, dancing dwarf and was possibly not certifiably insane.
Partner:
Winner? Tie. Mulder had Scully, but Coop had the mysterious “Diane.” It might have just been the name of his tape recorder, but you know what? I’m calling Diane his partner anyway.
Ultimate fate:
Winner? Coop. Sure, he ended up in some horrible alternate dimension, but Mulder just starred in some crappy movie that no one wanted to see. Also, I think Coop saved some chick’s soul or something. Mulder just met some aliens.
The tie-breaker:
Fox Mulder is an awful name. Horrible, horrible, horrible. You know the poor thing was bullied as a child. His classmates couldn’t have known then he would grow up to become an alien-obssessed crime-solving hottie! But Coop’s first name is Dale. The winner? Fox Mulder.
Overall winner?
Mulder, by a very sensual nose.
Also, there’s this photo, that made everyone a little bit bi-curious:
Suddenly, I was a ‘shipper.
