The other movie I’m not seeing this weekend
I saw a TV spot for People Like Us, and I was like, oh look, Channing Tatum’s in two movies this weekend, and then I thought, But Channing Tatum looks kind of funny, and then I realized it was New Captain Kirk, and anyway, he’s searching for his long-lost sister, which sounds really exciting to someone, I’m sure, and there’s Olivia Wilde in the trailer, trying to convey basic human emotions like surprise, going all, “OK, surprise, that’s the one where I have to open my eyes really wide and kind of gasp and then cover my mouth, right?”, because I swear she’s an alien or maybe some kind of robot, and that sort of thing is just really hard for her, and then Michelle Pfeiffer is in it too, and I’d be all happy that at least she’s getting work, but it’s for stuff like this, you know, and then the voiceover guy tells me it’s the most moving movie of the season or something, and I’m all like, “shut up, I hate you, this movie makes me want to write giant run-on sentences about how lame it’s all going to be,” and then I do.
I think I’d like this movie better if it turned out Olivia Wilde was the long-lost sister, because she’s clearly been cast as the girlfriend, and I’d really like to see her attempt to form expressions of disgust and horror.
