In one corner, we have the best lady android ever, R. Dorothy Wayneright. She is the sidekick of the Japanese Batman, who wears nice suits and pilots a giant robot, making him even more awesome than regular Batman.
In the other corner, we have Robin, who is the sidekick of regular Batman, who is actually pretty awesome, even if he doesn’t pilot a giant robot.
Who shall win? Let’s find out, why not.
Physicality. Robin is an athletic teenage boy or young man in his early 20s, depending on your source. I mean, sure, who doesn’t like athletic young men, amiright? R. Dorothy Wayneright is a robot designed to look like a young woman with a really cute pageboy. Winner? I’m a sucker for girls with cute pageboys. R. Dorothy Wayneright.
Is a fighting machine? Robin has been trained to be a fighting machine by Batman, the fightiest of all the fighting superheroes. On the other hand, R. Dorothy Wayneright is actually a machine. Winner? R. Dorothy Wayneright.
Lives in a post-apocalyptic world, or possibly a Matrix-esque simulation? Robin lives in, like, our world, except physics is insane there, which must be nice, because people can fly and whatever. R. Dorothy Wayneright lives in Paradigm City, where everybody lost their memories 40 years ago, after some sort of apocalyptic scenario, or else everything is just a Matrix-esque simulation and life is only a fleeting dream. Winner? R. Dorothy Wayneright.
Has a better code name? Dick Grayson’s code name is Robin, which is a pretty, pretty bird. R. Dorothy Wayneright’s code name is R. Dorothy Wayneright, because awesome lady androids don’t need code names, that why. Winner? R. Dorothy Wayneright.
This battle is seeming pretty lopsided. Yeah, I’m rewatching The Big O, and I remembered how much I love R. Dorothy Wayneright, and I never have liked Robin, but I haven’t had any good blog ideas lately, so I thought, hey! Why not?
So should we just call it then? Yes. Yes, we should.
Overall winner? R. Dorothy Wayneright, the best lady android ever!
There are many things I don’t understand in this world, and one of those things is why people would people would take their precious time and their precious money and go see Girl on the Train.
I mean, it’s obvious Emily Blunt isn’t going to turn out to be the killer. Who would make a movie where Emily Blunt turns out to be the killer? She’s got an ex-husband, so it’s probably the ex-husband. Or it’s Gone Girl redux, and the supposedly dead girl is faking it all.
But it’s the ex-husband.
And then there’s The Birth of A Nation, which I kind of wanted to see, because it takes the name of D.W. Griffith’s racist, racist 1915 film and flips it on its head.
But the director totally had sex with an unconscious girl in college, which in many circles is called, you know, “rape,” I don’t care how many juries find him not guilty.
So I’m kind of like, “meh, maybe not” on the whole deal.
The other day, someone dropped something on my mother’s toe around 7 in the morning. At 7 in the evening, when she informed me of this injury, it was still bleeding.
“Have you gone to the doctor?” I said.
“No,” she said.
“Do you want me to take you to the doctor?” I said.
“No, I’ll be fine,” she said.
“Your toe is seeping blood at an alarming rate,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to a doctor?”
“No, I’ve got a bandage on it.”
“Well, fine, then,” I said. “Just don’t exsanguinate in your sleep.”
“I will try not to do … that,” my mother replied.
Which means, step back, gentlemen: I have a much better chance to hook up with an Amazon princess than you do!
You are the best spy/private detective in the world, and I love you.
I love your fashion sense, your overconfidence, your ability to improvise, and the sound of your voice.
Of all the spies in the world, Archer, you’re my favorite, and I love you, and I really, really hope that you didn’t spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen the last season.
Anyway, Archer, provided spoiler alert didn’t happen, I want you to know: I just want you to be happy. Which is why I’m here, today, to tell you that your perfect girl is not Lana Kane, but rather Pam Poovey.
Yes, Archer. Pam. Pam is your perfect girl. You guys have the same terrible sense of humor, the same lack of self-preservation, the same addictive personalities.
And you are so damn cute together.
You see, Archer, this is where I usually make my case for myself being the perfect girl for whichever fictional character I love the most right now, but my love for you is so unselfish that I want you to be with Pam.
Now shut up and start dating Pam.
You know, providing ….
So, while my brother and his wife are in town, my daughter thought it would be fun if we spent some time together, so we ended up watching one of the best movies ever, The Princess Bride. Which my brother had never heard of before, somehow.
When it was over, he suggested, since I like The Princess Bride so much, that I should read Nicholas Sparks‘ The Notebook.
So here’s a list of ten things that make equally as much sense as that recommendation.
1. So, you like Filet Mignon, huh? You should try this hamburger I got at McDonald’s.
2. Oh, you’re a fan of Rimsky-Korsakov’s Scherezade? Have you tried listening to Meghan Trainor?
3. You enjoy Alan Moore’s Watchmen? You should check out Garfield, in the daily funnies.
4. Japan is your favorite place to visit? I’ll bet you’d love camping.
5. Michael Phelps is your favorite competitive swimmer? I think you should give Ryan Lochte a try.
6. You liked Miyazaki’s Spirited Away? You should watch The Secret Life of Pets.
7. Oh, so you’re into Grant Morrison’s Arkham Asylum? You’d probably really like Batman V. Superman.
8. You’re a fan of Marilyn Monroe? Have you seen Lindsay Lohan’s later works?
9. Gustav Klimt is your favorite artist? Maybe you should hang up this page I ripped out of an adult coloring book.
10. You like well-written stories that aren’t sappy, but are filled with humor and action? No, really, did I already recommend Nicholas Sparks’ The Notebook?
Omigod, you guys, I am having the hardest time coming up with post titles anymore. I swear, I’m just going to start calling things Random Post 1, Post about Anime 17, Indiana Jones is the best and Here’s Why 83.
Historically [women] tend to take every sick day that’s available with them, and that’s a gender thing. They look at how many sick days you get in a year. Say you get 12 sick days a year. If they go for two years and they’ve only taken three sick days, they’re going to cash in the remaining 21 sick days.
He further goes on to say that women are using these sick days for frivolous things:
Women in the workforce traditionally take a disproportionate amount of their sick days off for other reasons than sick days,” he said. “They take Junior to the hospital or go see Johnny’s soccer game.”
Because damn those bitches for not just letting Junior die at home, I guess.
So my mouth is super numb from going to the dentist, and I’m having a hard time talking, and I work at a place that starts with an “M,” which is really, really hard to say, and every time I answer the phone, my damn coworker just laughs at me.
My daughter and I were watching old episodes of Bob’s Burgers last night, and I said: “You know, I wish I was Louise, but I think I’m more of a Bob.”
My daughter immediately replied: “You’re Tina.”
But I’m not Tina Belcher!
I mean, it’s not like I’m an oblivious nerd who writes strange stories.
It’s not like I have glasses and a bad haircut.
It’s not like I’m socially awkward and…
Oh, God, I’m Tina Belcher.