Why did I like The Last Man on Earth?
It’s like, wow, all of a sudden Fox has all the good sitcoms. I don’t even know how that happened.
Does anyone know how it happened?
Now they’ve got The Last Man on Earth, which I’ll pretend not to know was written by the 21 Jump Street and 22 Jump Street guys, and just focus on it was very funny. And sad. And funny. And sad.
The Last Man on Earth is one of those titles that tells you everything you need to know. Will Forte is the last man on earth, and he and his glorious beard are struggling through an existential crisis. As you would. He traverses America in a bus to seek out other survivors, shouting hello over a loudspeaker in various languages (which leads to the inspired joke: “Chinese hello,” he yells), until he winds up in Tucson, Arizona, alone.
Except for his glorious beard.
He makes a margarita pool (for bathing in, for drinking, for whatever). He makes a toilet pool (despite the apocalypse being conveniently unmessy — like, there are no dead bodies anywhere — there’s no longer running water). He befriends a variety of balls (um, like footballs and pool balls and stuff, not like — you’re dirty). He gives up on life.
“No, Will Forte, I can understand if you don’t want to go on. I’m a terrible friend.” — The Volleyball
Then he meets Kristen Schaal, who doesn’t even wear pink bunny ears or do any of the things her cartoon alter egos would do, so I’m like, jeez, what the hell, Kristen?
Seriously, Kristen Schaal, what the hell?
And unlike Will Forte, who has gone slacker-nuts, she’s gone tightly-wound-nuts, which has, I guess, annoyed some feminists, because they feel like she’s a stereotype of a nagging woman. However, my 11-year-old daughter turned to me when Kristen Schaal was insisting that Will Forte park in the lot, and not in the handicapped zone, and definitely not inside the store, and said: “That’s how she’s handling it, huh?”, which means 1) my 11-year-old is really smart and 2) did nobody notice Will Forte was also acting a bit stereotypical?
Really? You didn’t catch that?
Anyway, the hour-long premiere ends with Forte proposing to Schaal (and this after he called her a turd!) because, I think, he’d really, really like to have some sex with a lady.
And who wouldn’t, am I right, folks?
So it’s funny, and it’s sad, and I’d really like to see more episodes, but not too many, because it will probably be really hard to sustain the premise, but just enough that it ends perfectly. That’s not too much to ask, right?
I’m sure everything will turn out just fine.
Nooooo!
Dammit, Leonard Nimoy has died.
He was one of those people I always figured was immortal, and I hate this.
Goodbye, William Bell. Or “Spock,” if you prefer.
Finally J.K. Simmons gets the Oscar he deserves
Huzzah! My favorite living actor finally won an Academy Award!
“But I didn’t just win an … Wait. Do you only love me for my looks?”
Anyway, I was going to link to that time I interviewed him, but my former employer’s web site must’ve eaten the article, so whatever. Please enjoy this picture of J.K. Simmons, because he’s wonderful.
“She’s only saying that ’cause it’s true. Also, I was really nice to her when she got all fan-girly on me.”
My story on Literary Orphans
So I’ve got a story up on Literary Orphans, and it also has an author photo, so if you wondered what I look like, now’s your chance to find out.
Hint: I don’t actually resemble my avatar.
Why I punched my coworker in the throat
When I responded with “Nothing” to the query about my Valentine’s Day plans, he replied: “Oh, I assumed you’d be like all the other single women I know, and go to 50 Shades of Grey.”
And I’ll throat-punch you again, too, if you assume anything so stupid a second time.
Bragging a bit
Just wanted to let everybody know that my story is 50-Word Stories’ story of the month for January!
Which means now I can say that I’m a prize-winning writer, right?
“I guess, if it makes you feel better — yes.”
So You Want to be a Sidekick: A Modern Teen’s Guide
Lately, you’ve decided you want to fight crime and battle evil, but you know you haven’t got the chutzpah to manage solo. Luckily for you, there’s a whole, wonderful world of sidekickery to satisfy your vigilante needs!
So who should you team up with? Well, good news! I’ve made a list of heroes who tend to work in duos or would, at least, be amenable to that sort of thing.
1. Batman. The Dark Knight seems like the kind of guy who’d prefer working solo, so he can brood and stuff, but it turns out he doesn’t mind spending time with pubescent boys! The plus side is you’d get to work with Batman. The negative side is he’d want you to wear that outfit.
Yup, that’s the one.
2. Sherlock Holmes. Another loner type, it turns out Holmes is happiest when he has someone stupider than him hanging about so he can show off his marvelous intellect. Luckily for Holmes, everyone is stupider than him, so it’s not like he needs to slum. The plus side is now you’re John Watson! The negative side is if you’re not actually John Watson, you don’t really get to spend time with Sherlock Holmes.
If you are John Watson, I’m still looking for Sherlock Holmes’ autograph. Could you help me out?
3. Captain America. Captain America had Buddy, which, as a superhero sidekick name, is even worse than Robin. The plus side is Buddy totally turned evil, so Captain America is absolutely in the market for a new sidekick. The other, even better plus side is that Captain America looks like Chris Evans now. The negative side is there is no negative side. Run to him! Run to Captain America!
Run to Captain America and his glorious cheekbones!
4. Green Arrow. Green Arrow is like Robin Hood, but he wears even more green than a man trying to blend into a forest landscape. He’s worked with Speedy and, apparently, Speedy II, because why shouldn’t sidekicks have sequels, right? The negative side is you’d probably be stuck lugging all his arrows around. I can’t think of a plus side.
You’d probably have to take all these pictures of him too, because a brooding selfie is hard.
5. The Green Hornet. The Green Hornet is another guy who wears green to fight crime. I’m not sure why this is a thing. I don’t know much about him, except that Bruce Lee was really great. So, actually, I don’t know anything about the Green Hornet, except that Kato was his sidekick, and Kato was great. The plus side is you’d be the new Kato. The negative side is we live in a world without Bruce Lee.
“Don’t mind me. I’m just a harmless chauffeur.”
6. Superman. I know it seems like Superman works alone, because, seriously, who can keep up with a demigod who has all the superpowers? But you’re forgetting the plucky Jimmy Olsen, who is absolutely useless, but never gets laser-visioned by Supes! The plus side is you’d probably never be in danger because of your association with Superman, as you would be like a gnat compared to the monstrous villains he faces. The negative side is gnats get squished.
Man, people drawing comics back in the old days just didn’t try very hard, did they?
7. Archie. I’m just putting Archie here because I found Jughead on a list of sidekicks. They probably fight crime sometimes, I don’t know.
“Is ‘fighting crime’ what the kids are calling it nowadays?” — My Mom
8. Iron Man. Iron Man is a guy who wears, like, a robot to fight crime. As War Machine, you would also get to wear a robot, and you would have an even cooler name. The plus side is those things I just listed. The negative side is wearing a robot sounds heavy.
“Seriously, my back is killing me.”
9. The Flash. The Flash’s sidekick is Kid Flash, although I think maybe Kid Flash is the Flash now, and has a new Kid Flash? Also, doesn’t it seem like Speedy should be the Flash’s sidekick, and not Green Arrow’s? The plus side is you’d get to move at speeds that are fatal to most mortals. The negative side is you probably have to have some kind of mysterious accident, like getting struck by lightning while petting a cheetah, to gain that ability.
I guess I should say that thing about petting a cheetah wasn’t meant to be a euphemism.
10. Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman doesn’t need a sidekick. Wonder Woman works alone. Wonder Woman is an Amazon goddess, and she can kick ass all one her own, unlike the boys here. The plus side is that Wonder Woman seems nice, so she’d probably let you hang around and pretend like you’re sidekicking. The negative side is seriously, kid, she can handle this on her own, so why don’t you just step out of the way?
“Have you asked Superman if he’d like your help? He might like your help.”
Well, these exist
Leggings with pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch all over them.
No, I actually won’t be buying a pair.
Excuse me, did you realize there’s something stupid stuck to your car?
The sticker on the minivan I saw today read:
“This is the USA.
We eat meat.
We drink beer.
And we speak frickin’ English.”
It’s nice when people do you the favor of letting you know they suck just by looking at their car.
Dammit, come on, no!
I enjoy Zachary Levi. He was funny in Chuck, and he’s tall, handsome and nerdy, which is my perfect boy. So I’d been really hoping he’d get some acting work that wasn’t just voiceover roles, because, while he does have a great voice, have you seen him?
Well, now you have.
But they’re putting him on the Heroes reboot, which sounds like just a terrible idea, and I didn’t even start watching the original series again when they put Veronica Mars or Ray Park on there, so why do they have to waste Zachary Levi on this WAHHHHHHHH!
I know I’ve been overreacting to things a lot, but I’ve got a legitimate beef here and — OH MY GOD WHAT IF THEY MAKE HIM GO BLONDE LIKE THIS AGAIN NOOOOOOOOO.
