Ray Park is like poetry that can kick your ass

August 3, 2009 at 4:49 pm (Top Ten) (, )

G.I. Joe opens this weekend, and Ray Park is, in the best bit of casting ever, is Snake Eyes. For this reason alone, I am tempted to see the film.

I giggle like a little girl every time I see this picture.

Here’s 10 reasons you should want to too:

1. There was one good thing about the new Star Wars movies and it got cut in half right in the first film because George Lucas hates me.

2. There were two good things about Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, and neither of those things were the title. (It was Ray Park and Lucy Liu, hi!)

3. Could anyone else have played Toad with such panache?

4. I mean, sure he got electrocuted and was sent to his death with a terrible joke, but he was pretty kick-ass right up until then.

5. Specifically, I’m talking about when he grabbed that steel rod for no reason and twirled it around. Also for no reason.

6. Did you know that he’s Scottish? Bet ya didn’t, ’cause if you did, you would be writing this list instead of me. (OK, he’s an Englishman who was born in Scotland, but they both possess awesome accents, so stop judging me.)

7. He was Christopher Walken’s stunt double in “Sleepy Hollow,” which is two layers of bad-assery right there.

8. He’s a southpaw, and I love that because so is Bart Simpson.

9. His martial art of choice, Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, is also popular with other movie gods, Bruce and Jet (Lee and Li).

10. Also, he makes gymnastics seem all manly and shit.

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1 Comment

  1. Knowing = Battle/Half | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] The new G.I. Joe movie comes out today and there is really only one thing you need to know before deciding to see it. That one thing is: Did Ray Park return as Snake Eyes? […]

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