Versus is nearly a perfect movie

August 6, 2009 at 10:09 am (Top Ten) (, , , )

Since I’ve already waxed poetic about Ray Park more than once, it only seems fair to share some of the love with my favorite Japanese martial artist/actor, Tak Sakaguchi who-is-prettier-than-me.

Sure, his cheekbones are so sharp they could kill you, but do you know what else could kill you? His deadly, deadly fists.

Tak-sama (see the respect I give him?! I am full of respect for Sakaguchi-dono!!) first appeared in what is nearly a perfect movie, Versus, which I shall now list 10 reasons why it is a nearly perfect movie, and regret the structure of this sentence all the while.

1. Tak Sakaguchi was apparently discovered by director Ryuhei Kitamura as a street fighter. “Put your fists to work for me” or something close to that is what he (allegedly) said. Seriously, this story reeks of the bullshit, but I love it anyway.

2. Yakuza. Yakuza with guns and knives.

3. Zombies.

4. Zombies with guns. Shit, why didn’t anyone think of zombies with guns before?

5. I mentioned the knives and the guns, right? Well, in addition to the knife fights and gun fights, there are also scenes of martial arts mastery and a lengthy sword fight!

6. Yakuza with Glasses. When he’s being strangled by a former fellow yakuza turned zombie, he casually shoots the guy repeatedly in the chest, and when that doesn’t work, goes for the head.

7. Also, Yakuza with Glasses appears to be having an affair with this guy, which, in my opinion, makes him even more of a badass than Sakaguchi-sama himself.

Scarier like this, innit he? Don’t frak with Sakaguchi-sama!

8. Although Sakaguchi-sama is such a bad-ass he broke a tooth on a gun for one of his stunts.

9. “I’m a feminist.”

10. Ummmm … so many pieces of awesome to choose from. Let’s just go with … ummm … the way that little idiot yakuza keeps accidentally killing his friends. Yeah, that’s great.

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2 Comments

  1. A love letter to Yakuza with Glasses « Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] Dear Yakuza with Glasses (a character in one of the best films ever, Versus), […]

  2. Let’s remake some movies | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] Hah, no, I’m kidding. Versus is practically perfect in every way. […]

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