Why I don’t believe the person that told me Heroes is better this season

October 8, 2009 at 3:57 pm (Top Ten) (, , , , )

Yeah, yeah, so earlier, I led all y’all to believe that I might start watching Heroes again now that it has Ray Park in it. I love me some Ray Park, and yes, I did watch that horrible Ecks vs. Sever movie, but that was only an hour and a half of my life, plus my friend made popcorn and gave me beer, so it wasn’t that bad. Heroes, however, is one hour every week. One hour every week. I don’t think I could do it even if Bruce Campbell guest-starred.

And, as I may have mentioned before, Bruce Campbell is a god.

And, as I may have mentioned before, Bruce Campbell is a god.

Why, you ask? (I know you asked it because I can heeeeearrr you.) Here’s why:

1. That whiny bitch Peter is still in the show, right? Someone shut him up, and stat. Ooooh, poor me, I’m like Rogue only without the killing people by touching them, wah, wah, wah, boo-hoo.

I'm so emo, you can practically hear my hairdo moping.

I'm so emo, you can practically hear my hairdo moping.

2. I assume Hiro is still not living up to his potential. I gave up on Heroes halfway through the first season, when I realized I was only watching the Hiro/Ando scenes and skipping the rest. And then I realized I was only watching their scenes to see how much Japanese I could pick out. (Answer? Not much. I felt really, really stupid, unless they were counting, and then I was like, “Ichi?! I know that word! That word means one!!”)

3. By living up to his potential, I mean killing people with his samurai sword. He’s not doing that, is he? I didn’t see that future episode, where Hiro was all bad-ass, but it sounded almost worth watching, what with the … kill people with your samurai sword already! That’s what a samurai sword is for!! Cripes!

I wanna watch a show with THIS Hiro in it!

I wanna watch a show with THIS Hiro in it!

4. Nathan is dead, but Sylar isn’t dead, but Sylar is Nathan, and he just came back from the dead. What the bloody hell, show? What. The. Bloody. Hell.

5. Ray Park is playing Edgar, whose superpower is speed, like Daphne, not martial artistry? Seriously? You have Ray Park and you give him a superpower that doesn’t emphasize his actual real superhuman ability to kick your ass? God damn you, show.

And why did you have to put him in those godforsaken pants?

And why did you have to put him in those godforsaken pants?

6. That guy who wrote the good dialogue is gone again. Apparently, the dialogue really improves when the Pushing Daisies creator is on the show. I wouldn’t know, because I stopped watching before he showed up. In any case, he came back after Daisies was canceled, and is now gone again, as per that first sentence I wrote.

7. Claire’s still a moron. Hey! I can spontaneously regenerate and heal and such, which is a skill sure to make scientists want to disect the hell out of me. I will now demonstrate this power in plain sight of tons of other people, because I am a dumbass.

8. Of course, she is related to that wiener Peter. I hate you so much, Peter. So. Much.

9. They’re still dropping plotlines like mad, aren’t they. Yeah, whatever did happen to that damn wiener Peter’s girlfriend who got trapped in the future? And that little girl who could find all the people with powers? And the invisible guy?

10. Mohinder is gone? Does that mean his voiceovers are gone, too? Wow, I was wrong! That does improve this season!

Another suggested improvement? Muteness. He's hot, but seriously, shut UP, Mohinder.

Another suggested improvement? Muteness. He's hot, but seriously, shut UP, Mohinder.

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2 Comments

  1. Travis said,

    • lokifire said,

      That’s GREAT news!!!!

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