You couldn’t BE more lucky!

November 5, 2009 at 4:43 pm (Top Ten) (, , , , , , , , , )

Because you are getting two Top Ten lists in a day! Possibly more, if you went to some other blog and read one of their top 10 lists, but why would you do that?

Now, Hollywood might hate me (and does, as evidenced by consistently putting Keanu Reeves in films that might not have otherwise sucked), but Japan is still my friend.

I know this because of Alien vs. Ninja. God bless you, Japan. God bless your tentacle-loving hearts.



The basic plot of Alien vs. Ninja is that aliens land and are fought by Iga Ninja, the best ninja of all (go to hell, Kouga ninja!). Why, yes, I am a shinobi otaku and have several books on the subject, why do you … ? Oh, you were asking sarcastically. I get it. I do! I get it.

At any rate, what could be better than ninja (especially Iga ninja) fighting aliens?

Only about ten things, that’s what! (But, really, only marginally better, because, damn! Alien vs. Ninja!)

1. Zombies vs. Ninja. Yes, I had to. You knew it was coming, so isn’t it best I got it out of the way right off the bat?

2. Androids vs. Ninja. Y’all do know a picture of the hot cylon Samuel Anders will be used to illustrate this point, don’t you?


Yeah, y'all totally knew.

3. Zombies vs. Ninja androids. I’m just sayin’, someone needs to build a ninja android. They could call it “The Stealthbot.” Or perhaps something less lame, I don’t know.

4. Kouga Ninja vs. Iga Ninja. Oops, they already did that. It was called “Basilisk.” (Or the Kouga Ninja Scrolls, if you’re talking the novel.)


Or "Shinobi," if you include the inferior film. (Yes, even DESPITE the presence of Tak Sakaguchi.)

5. Vampires vs. Ninja. Especially if it’s those pussy Twilight vampires, and we get to spend two hours watching ninja whale on them utterly.

edward cullen

Why can't the sparkling save me?! Whyyyy??

6. The cast of Cowboy Bebop vs. Ninja. I don’t remember a ninja episode. There was a crazy samurai episode. There should’ve been a ninja episode.


Yeah, sorry guys. You probably won't get fed in that episode either.

7. Ninja Assassin vs. Ninja. Went rogue, did ya? Face your former ninja teammates in some sort of, I don’t know, death battle! Actually, this is probably the plot of Ninja Assassin. (No, I don’t know what the plot of Ninja Assassin will be. I want to see it because it is called Ninja Assassin. I don’t care what it’s about. It has a ninja who is also an assassin.)

8. Samurai vs. Ninja. There’s probably tons of movies about this, but you know what? There could be more.


We ninja scoff at your samurai ideals of "honor" and "loyalty." Right before we stab you through the head. (From behind.)

9. Jet Li vs. Jackie Chan, and one of them is a ninja. Wouldn’t the just be the bestest movie ever?

10. Gunslinging android priests vs. Ninja zombies. O.M.G. Guys! What could possibly be cooler than zombies, androids and ninja in one movie? Nothing! Nothing could possibly be cooler! Best movie ever.


I would say the word "Braaaaains," but that goes against my Ninja code. I'll just snack silently, thanks.



  1. greg said,

    Ninjas vs. Keanu Reeves.

    • lokifire said,

      I would be totally on board with that, except it would mean Keanu Reeves is cast in a movie again.
      Unless you literally mean Ninja vs. Keanu Reeves. Then it would be supra-awesome.

      • greg said,

        No, I mean literally ninjas vs. the real life Keanu Reeves. Let’s see how much kung-fu he really knows.

      • greg said,

        Hell, while we’re at it, why not Ninjas vs. Hollywood?

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