Ellen Ripley vs. Laurie Strode

December 17, 2009 at 11:45 am (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , , , )

Does anyone else have trouble remembering Ripley’s first name? Or that the chick from Halloween even had a name?

Anyway, Ripley is a badass to end all badasses, and Laurie Strode was the only one in Halloween who didn’t get killed by Michael Myers, making this two posts where I have mentioned Michael Myers, more than I ever imagined possible, so let’s see who comes out on top, shall we?

Pictured here: the most badass woman in the whole universe.

What's that noise upstairs? Should I go INSPECT it?

(Wow, that was a really long sentence.)

On to the battle!

Physicality. Well, since Halloween was released in 1978 and Alien in 1979, both Ripley and Laurie have some pretty nasty hair going on, all limp and nearly mullet-like. But we’ll just ignore that, because Sigourney Weaver and Jamie Lee Curtis are hot! They’ve both got great athletic figures and they’re really pretty, but I think Ms. Curtis has a little bit more going on up top, so we’ll give this category to her. Winner? Laurie Strode.

Faced a vicious killer and won? Technically, both these ladies are victorious in this category, but only one of them faced a killer alien thing that hatched out of people’s middle bits and ate them and spewed acidic blood. You probably guessed from the word “alien” in that previous sentence that the evil creature I just described was not Michael Myers, but was, indeed, the alien from Alien. Eh, it’s still a draw. Winner? A tie!

Had cool friends/coworkers murdered horribly before her very eyes? Once again, both these ladies suffered immense horrors at the hands of a murderous creature, and one of these horrors was the slaughter of their friends or coworkers. But only Ripley got to hang out with the likes of Tom Skerritt! Harry Dean Stanton! Veronica Cartwright! Ian Holm (the second best Ian working in Hollywood! … I mean Ian McKellan, not Somerholder, by the by)! Yaphet Kotto! My gods, it’s like a list of my favorite people ever to guest-star on the X-Files and star on Homicide and whatever the hell Tom Skerritt did. Winner? Ripley.

You were the best fictional police lieutenant ever, Yaphet Kotto.

Was proactive in her battle against said horrific murderous creature who might or might not have acidic blood? Laurie stabs Michael Myers in the neck with a knitting needle, stabs him in the eye with a wire hanger and stabs him with a knife. Ripley blows up a spaceship with the alien in it (but not really) and then shoots the thing into the cold vacuum of space.  Gosh, those are both awesome things, but, Laurie sure did a lot of stabbing. Stabby! Winner? Laurie Strode.

Stabby!

Starred in sequels of varying quality? Yes, absolutely. Winner? Another tie.

Was awesome enough in Alien 4 to make up for the presence of that godawful Winona Ryder? Wait a second, isn’t this question awfully biased? Yes! Yes, it is! But I love Ripley in Alien 4 soooooo much! She’s such a badass! Oh my gods, you guys, never before was there a badass as badass as Ripley was! Sooooo badass! I *heart* you, Ripley from Alien 4! Winner? Obviously, it’s Ripley.

Holy cow, it's almost more bad-assedness than this blog can contain!!

Hey, now it’s a tie! By gum, George, you’re right!

The final, tie-off, earth-shattering question! Actually really defeated the horrific evil she battled, at least once or twice? Well, here’s where poor Laurie Strode comes up against a terrible dilemna. Michael Myers is, apparently, indestructible. (Because John Carpenter said so, that’s why.) No matter how many sharp things she stabs the guy with, he just won’t die. No matter how many times he gets shot or how many car accidents he gets into, he lives on. On the other hand, Ripley actually did kill a lot of aliens, including the one incubating in her own body. It’s not her fault they breed like giant alien acid-blooded bunnies! Winner? Ripley!

Overall winner? Ripley, by a badass, alien-murdering nose.

In case you missed it: Badass. Right here.

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