You know, I’ve always wondered if the Grinch was the only Grinch, like there was once a race of Grinches, and he was the last one or maybe there were others but they just didn’t like him, or if The Grinch was his name.
Not enough to actually find out, though, no siree.
Anyway! Welcome to a near-Christmas edition of Fictional Character Battles! Featuring Ebenezer Scrooge and The Grinch!
(On a related note, was “Ebenezer” ever a popular thing to name your child, or did Dickens just make it up?)
On to the battle of the two Christmas curmudgeons!
Physicality. Man, this category is getting to be a real albatross around my neck. *Sigh.* The Grinch is a green furry guy who doesn’t wear clothing, so is probably closer to animal than human. Also, he was played in a (craptacular) live-action movie by Jim Carrey, who is definitely closer to animal than human. On the other hand, Ebenezer Scrooge was once played by Michael Caine, who not only beat you up and stole your girlfriend, but looked supra-classy while doing it, too. AND he was 65. Winner? Michael Caine … er, Scrooge.
Anti-Christmas spirit ranking. Man, did Scrooge hate Christmas. Did he ever! With the “bah, humbug”-ing and the kicking little orphans in the kneecaps, he was a real …. Crap, I just realized that we describe people who don’t like Christmas as either Scrooges or Grinches. This sucks. Anyway, Scrooge was a jerk who hated Christmas, his employees and the welfare system. (Insert “big business” joke here.) The Grinch? Well, let’s just quote Dr. Seuss, here, shall we? “Every Who Down in Who-ville Liked Christmas a lot… But the Grinch, Who lived just North of Who-ville, Did NOT! The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.” Boy howdy! Of course, Scrooge is just generally unpleasant about the holiday and rude to his cute little nephew, while the Grinch actively tries to ruin Christmas for the Whos down in Who-ville. Winner? The Grinch.
Was terrifyingly portrayed by Jim Carrey? Gods, both of them were. That’s so horrible. Winner? It’s a tie. A horrible, horrible tie.
Had the best supporting cast of characters? Well, the Grinch only ever interacted with the Whos of Who-ville and his really cute dog. Scrooge, however, had an abundance of folk with whom he interacted. From Kermit the Frog to Fozzie Bear, he was surrounded by Muppets. Of course, if you’re not referring to the classic Christmas Carol (the Muppet one!), then he hung out with ghosts, moppets (similar to muppets, but slightly less puppet-y) and some other people. Winner? Scrooge, ’cause anybody who celebrates Christmas with ghosts is my kind of soldier. (It’s a Guided by Voices song. The phrase just popped into my head.)
Biggest Christmas turnaround? Boy, there’s nothing like knowing you’re in for an afterlife of torment and chains to change your mind about the whole “spirit of the season” thing is there? Also, singing Whos do the same thing. Everybody’s hearts grew three sizes that day! Winner? We’re all winners when people feel the Christmas spirit! Also, it’s a tie.
Overall winner? Scrooge, because Michael Caine.