Scrooge vs. The Grinch

December 23, 2009 at 3:33 pm (Fictional Character Battles) (, , )

You know, I’ve always wondered if the Grinch was the only Grinch, like there was once a race of Grinches, and he was the last one or maybe there were others but they just didn’t like him, or if The Grinch was his name.

Not enough to actually find out, though, no siree.

Anyway! Welcome to a near-Christmas edition of Fictional Character Battles! Featuring Ebenezer Scrooge and The Grinch!

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. A nasty-wasty sort!

I have no idea who this actor is.

(On a related note, was “Ebenezer” ever a popular thing to name your child, or did Dickens just make it up?)

On to the battle of the two Christmas curmudgeons!

Physicality. Man, this category is getting to be a real albatross around my neck. *Sigh.* The Grinch is a green furry guy who doesn’t wear clothing, so is probably closer to animal than human. Also, he was played in a (craptacular) live-action movie by Jim Carrey, who is definitely closer to animal than human. On the other hand, Ebenezer Scrooge was once played by Michael Caine, who not only beat you up and stole your girlfriend, but looked supra-classy while doing it, too. AND he was 65. Winner? Michael Caine … er, Scrooge.

Also, Capt. Picard portrayed the guy. That's, like, 12,000 times the hot of Jim Carrey.

Anti-Christmas spirit ranking. Man, did Scrooge hate Christmas. Did he ever! With the “bah, humbug”-ing and the kicking little orphans in the kneecaps, he was a real …. Crap, I just realized that we describe people who don’t like Christmas as either Scrooges or Grinches. This sucks. Anyway, Scrooge was a jerk who hated Christmas, his employees and the welfare system. (Insert “big business” joke here.) The Grinch? Well, let’s just quote Dr. Seuss, here, shall we? “Every Who Down in Who-ville Liked Christmas a lot… But the Grinch, Who lived just North of Who-ville, Did NOT! The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.” Boy howdy! Of course, Scrooge is just generally unpleasant about the holiday and rude to his cute little nephew, while the Grinch actively tries to ruin Christmas for the Whos down in Who-ville. Winner? The Grinch.

Was terrifyingly portrayed by Jim Carrey? Gods, both of them were. That’s so horrible. Winner? It’s a tie. A horrible, horrible tie.

In fact, it's so horrible that I refuse to use a photo of Jim Carrey to illustrate the point. Instead, enjoy the cute dog and Cindy Lou Who! Cute!

Had the best supporting cast of characters? Well, the Grinch only ever interacted with the Whos of Who-ville and his really cute dog. Scrooge, however, had an abundance of folk with whom he interacted. From Kermit the Frog to Fozzie Bear, he was surrounded by Muppets. Of course, if you’re not referring to the classic Christmas Carol (the Muppet one!), then he hung out with ghosts, moppets (similar to muppets, but slightly less puppet-y) and some other people. Winner? Scrooge, ’cause anybody who celebrates Christmas with ghosts is my kind of soldier. (It’s a Guided by Voices song. The phrase just popped into my head.)

Everyone hates the Christmas bunny.

Biggest Christmas turnaround? Boy, there’s nothing like knowing you’re in for an afterlife of torment and chains to change your mind about the whole “spirit of the season” thing is there? Also, singing Whos do the same thing. Everybody’s hearts grew three sizes that day! Winner? We’re all winners when people feel the Christmas spirit! Also, it’s a tie.

Overall winner? Scrooge, because Michael Caine.

Is there a word more awesome than awesome to describe Michael Caine? If so, pretend that I used that word instead.

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7 Comments

  1. Travis said,

    I tivo’d 3 different versions of “Carol”… all I’ve got to say is don’t bother with the Kelsey Grammer musical version… ugggh.

    • lokifire said,

      I watched it when it came out because Jesse L. Martin.
      I didn’t make the same mistake with the Muppet Christmas special he’s in this year.

      • Travis said,

        I actually liked that Muppet special. But I LOVE the Muppets! 🙂

  2. Ed said,

    Top SCROOGE, Albert Finney SCROOGE the musical around 1970.

    • lokifire said,

      No, you’re wrong, any time Michael Caine is anything, he is the A-Number 1 best it could ever be.
      So the Muppet Christmas Carol still wins.

  3. Sarah said,

    The actor at the top of the page that you didn’t recognize is James Carpenter. He plays Scrooge every year in ACT’s version of the play in San Francisco.
    Just stumbled upon your blog via Google and thought I’d let you know. 🙂

    • lokifire said,

      Holy crap, you stumbled onto my blog and were helpful? I *heart* you. Thanks for the info.!

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