The Matrix: Starring a wooden spoon

January 19, 2010 at 11:48 am (Randomosity) (, )

Here is a fun exercise wherein I take dialogue from The Matrix (or at least what the internets tells me is dialogue, because I saw that movie a loooooong time ago and have no plans of seeing it ever, ever again, so what do I know?) and replace Keanu Reeves’s lines with my favorite Reeves replacement of all: the wooden spoon. That means every time you see the wooden spoon, Keanu Reeves was emoting or something.

I’m not sure if this is all that funny in execution, but rest assured that I had a grand ol’ time thinking of it.

In this scene, we have Neo meeting Morpheus for the first time. It’s a dramatic scene. Neo is just beginning to learn that the world is not what he always believed it was. For some reason, the Wachowski Brothers thought Keanu Reeves would be able to effectively portray that. Heh. Silly Wachowski Brothers.

Morpheus: Hello Neo. Do you know who this is?

Morpheus: Yes. I’ve been looking for you, Neo. I don’t know if you’re ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately you and I have run out of time. They’re coming for you, Neo, and I don’t know what they’re going to do.

Morpheus: Stand up and see for yourself.

Morpheus: Yes, now. Do it slowly. The elevator.

Morpheus: Yes.

Morpheus: I don’t know, but if you don’t want to find out I suggest you get out of there.

Morpheus: I can guide you but you must do exactly as I say.

Morpheus: The cubicle across from you is empty.

Morpheus: Go, now…Stay here for just a moment. When I tell you, go to the end of the row, to the office at the end of the hall. Stay as low as you can…. Go, now…. Good. Now, outside there is a scaffold.

Morpheus: We don’t have time, Neo. To your left there’s a window. Go to it…. Open it. You can use the scaffold to get to the roof.

Morpheus: There are two ways out of this building. One is that scaffold, the other is in their custody. You take a chance either way. I leave it to you.



  1. greg said,

    Careful now. With as much as you talk about Keanu Reeves, people are going to think you have a crush on him!

    • lokifire said,

      Oh, he’s a pretty man, all right. And since I can’t stand to watch him attempt to act, making fun of him is the way to go.

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