A specific quality I look for in my famous people crushes is “Is this guy prettier than me?” That takes a lot of doing, of course, as anyone who knows me will testify that I am quite the looker. (No photographic evidence will be provided.)
This opening paragraph gives me an excuse to insert a photo of Takeshi Kaneshiro as the perfect example.
But there’s some guys out there who … well, just ain’t pretty. Some of them aren’t even all that tall, which is another trait I look for.
Which gives me an excuse to insert a photo of the 6’5″ Kyle Secor.
Right, right, moving on to shorter, less pretty guys, I present you with a list of 10 of them!
1. Simon Pegg. Yes, we’re all aware that recently, I’ve found Simon Pegg to be very, very hot. But if I’m honest with myself, which, we all have to admit, I rarely am, Simon Pegg is not actually all that hot. Except that he is. It’s like a paradox or oxymoron of some sort. I don’t know.
2. Adam Baldwin. Adam Baldwin is the opposite of pretty. He’s growly, he’s scary, he’s built like a brick …house! And every time he shoots at people or punches them in the face, I giggle like a schoolgirl. A schoolgirl with a gigantic crush on Adam Baldwin.
3. Jackie Earle Haley. Yeah, so, Jackie Earle Haley, huh? Jackie Earle Haley is shorter than me. He’s shorter than me! (By a quarter inch, but still!) And one of the best things about him playing Rorschach was that he was exactly the right shade of ugly. (I mean this as a compliment, Jackie Earle Haley! I love you!) Anyway, he’s mysteriously hot. It’s probably the whole Rorschach thing, I don’t know.
4. Eric Elbogen. (Of Say Hi.) Hey, it’s a musician! His lyrics make me laugh, and he seems to be about as geeky as I am. But he’s no (insert hot musician name here, because I can’t think of any), am I right?
5. Bruce Campbell. Bruce Campbell is hot because he’s Bruce Campbell. That is all.
6. Timothy Omundson. I watch USA’s Psych for two reasons: 1) to see how many pop culture references they can make in one minute; 2) because there’s something about Timothy Omundson that makes me feel all squishy.
7. (Nonpuffy) James Spader. James Spader, in his prime, was geeky, thin and pasty. And soooo sexy, right, ladies? I can’t even watch Boston Legal these days, and not just because it looks like a horrible show.
8. Kyle MacLachlan. One of my very first posts at this here blog was a faceoff between Agents Cooper and Mulder. Mulder came out ahead, but only just. I love you, Coop.
9. Speaking of the X-Files, Mitch Pileggi! Don’t ask me either, but he totally is, all right?
10. Britt Daniel. This Spoon frontman is a musician, much like Eric Elbogen, except he’s skinnier and blonder. I don’t know what that has to do with being a musician, but whatever. What makes him hot? He is the frontman of Spoon. That’s so hot.