A love letter to John Casey

March 1, 2010 at 12:26 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , )

Dear John Casey,

Please marry me.

Look, I know on paper, we’re not a good match. You’re Republican, I’m the opposite thing. You’re a trained assassin, I apologized to that creepy black spider I squished on the stairs yesterday. And then I cried a little. (I’m so sorry, creepy black spider.) Also, of course, you’re fictional.

So very fictional.

But that’s OK. That’s just on paper. And if there’s one thing I know about the Internet, it’s that it has nothing to do with paper. I mean, yeah, there’s piles of paper nearby right now, but I’m not using any of them.

Wait, what was I even talking about?

Oh, right: why you should marry me, John Casey.

Because I respect you, John Casey. I honor you, John Casey. That’s part of wedding vows, right? Honor and respect? We’re halfway there, John Casey!

And have I mentioned that I love the way you’re always willing to pull a gun on people or tranq dart them or just plain old punch them in the face? I also love the way you growl when people do stupid things, and would like to mention that that is something we have in common. I also growl when people do stupid things, although, since I have a voice like a 12-year-old, my growl is not as ferocious as yours. But you could do the growling for me. I could just make bitch faces. We could be that couple that looks pissed off together. Wouldn’t that be cute? Omigod, John Casey, it would be so cute.

Have I told you lately that you're sexy when you're angry, John Casey? That means you're sexy ALL THE TIME.

And, John Casey, while some ladies aren’t fans of the classic lines of a 1985 Crown Victoria, let me assure you wholeheartedly, that I am. Hell, John Casey, I would even help you wash your car. (Er, providing you have replaced the one that Chuck Bartowski blowed up good.)

Shiny!

Mostly by taking photographs of you washing it, with the suds rising up your strong forearms to your elbows, and some water splashed strategically on your shirt. I have given this a lot of thought, John Casey, and I can swear I would photograph you in this situation like mad.

That's right, baby. Work the sponge. Work the sponge.

And it would be OK, because we would be married. Married people do things like that.

Or at the least, we could date?

Let me know.

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8 Comments

  1. Things I can’t compete with « Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] Your 1985 Crown Victoria. I can’t compete with a car like that. I won’t even try. Pictured here: something that […]

  2. Xenaclone said,

    Don’t forget how tender and sexy he was with Ilsa and Kathleen 🙂

    • lokifire said,

      *sniff*
      I try not to think about the competition too often.

  3. Linn-Kristin said,

    Omg, it’s like a match made in heaven, this love letter is like the best work of littuature I’ve ever read! You are officially my idol.. and I’m sorry if my english sucks.. I’m from Norway, so it’s allowed to ..

    • lokifire said,

      Hell, it’s better than most of the native English speakers around here.

  4. Linn-Kristin said,

    Well thank you ! Just gave me a confident boost.. btw, feel free to visit my blog http://www.superlinn.blogg.no/ although it’s in norwegian and you probably won’t understand anything ..

    • lokifire said,

      Sadly, you’re right. My language skills are limited to English and asking Japanese people (in Japanese) if they can speak English.
      Oh, and swearing.
      (But I’ll look at the pictures!)

  5. Emilie said,

    Well, I admit John Casey is a bit cute.
    But I hope you will merry him some day! 😀
    Sorry about my English.
    Also from Norway. 🙂

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