Because Matt Damon deserves a break

March 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, )

… the movie I’m not seeing this weekend will be The Robert Pattinson/Emilie de Ravin vehicle Remember Me. I also won’t see Green Zone, but that’s through no fault of Matt Damon’s, other than his weird face bugs me. I blame his parents for that, though.

I mean, he's not hideous, but if that's the best thing you can say about a movie star, then ... I don't know. I thought they were supposed to be the beautiful people, that's all.

Moving on, I’m sure everybody’s heard (spoiler alert if not, though, really, if you’re reading my blog, you probably were also planning to not see Remember Me this weekend, so you don’t care anyway) about the big twist ending of Remember Me: Robert Pattinson’s character dies in the Sept. 11th terrorist attacks.

Not Robert Pattinson. NOOOOOO!

It’s a big twist, I guess, because we’re supposed to think the movie is set in the present, not in the past, but it’s actually set in the past and not in the present. (Yes, I made that sentence confusing on purpose. No, I don’t know why exactly.) You know, because why not improve an average to middlin’ movie by harking back to the most devastating terrorist attack on American soil?

Oh, why not? Because you could kill his stupid character in any stupid godsdamned way and we would still have the same average to middlin’ movie, so why did you have to bring Sept. 11th into it, Hollywood? It’s a cheap sentimental trick. It would piss me off if I had the energy to get pissed off about a Robert Pattinson movie, but I barely have the energy to type a sentence about Robert Pattinson and spell Pattinson right, so you see where we stand, Hollywood.

I wouldn't even bother if it weren't for the cheekbones and the broodiness.

Also, I don’t want to see a movie where Pierce Brosnan isn’t killing people on purpose, so bleh.

With explosions!

Emilie de Ravin is pretty, though.

This is what awesome hair looks like, ROBERT.

So I guess you should see Remember Me for her, but I think she’s still on Lost or something, so don’t actually bother.

That is all.


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