Much like Hollywood, the local movie theater chain hates me

April 14, 2010 at 6:33 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , , )

Now, I’m not sure I’d actually take the effort to get out and see Kick-Ass this weekend, but I’m pretty sure a lot of folks in my hometown would. However, all they’re getting is Death at a Funeral, which, while it doesn’t look like it will completely suck (because Cyclops is nekkid), is not a movie about people who dress up like superheroes and … well … kick ass.

Cyclops will not look like this in Death at a Funeral, but on the bright side, he'll get to play "funny" and not "mopey." So that's good.

Why are we only getting Death at a Funeral and not Kick-Ass?

Because no one wants to see a flick where the hero gets his ass handed to him a lot?

Because who cares if this role is just the right amount of cheesy for Nic Cage?

Because it's scary to know that a 10-year-old could hurt you like you've never been hurt before?

Because Carmike Theaters hates us?

I called Carmike Theaters to find out.

“It could be a limited release,” the girl said.

“It’s not a limited release,” I answered. “It’s opening in 3,000 theaters and Death at a Funeral is only opening in 2,400.”

“Well, they might not be opening it in this city.”

“And why would that be?”


“Yeah, could I please talk to someone who might know the answer to my question?”

So she got a manager. Who told me that Lionsgate and Carmike are having some sort of, I don’t know, thing, and we won’t get it until they come to an agreement about the whatever.

So I immediately googled “Lionsgate” and “Carmike” and all I found was one sentence on a fellow nerd’s blog about them needing to come to an agreement of some sort. Didn’t even have a link to a news article. I found something about “profit sharing,” but then I might have passed out a little. You know, from the big words and stuff. Also, from the way I couldn’t find anything that mentioned both Lionsgate and Carmike.

Anyway, the movie I won’t be seeing this weekend is Kick-Ass, which is fine, I guess, since I already read the comic book and it was basically written like a movie already, but I’d kind of like the option, you know?

(Although, and I have to say this as many times as possible, Mark Millar is no Warren Ellis, dammit. Dear Hollywood: Please make a Global Frequency movie. Love, Lokifire)

But don't screw it up. Because I know you would be tempted to screw it up, and I'm telling you: DON'T.

(Oh, and also, I won’t be watching Death at a Funeral, ’cause Cyclops just can’t get nekkid enough to make me care.)

Wait ... no, no, I could totally be wrong about that.



  1. Travis said,

    Uggghhh… that sucks… I was actually kind of looking forward to it. Frickin’ carmike.

  2. Shawn said,

    I Googled Kick-Ass and Carmike to find out why the Carmike theater in Manhattan, KS isn’t showing Kick-Ass and came across your blog. Not certain that it’s a Lionsgate deal because this Carmike is showing the latest Tyler Perry movie, another Lionsgate film.

    • lokifire said,

      Perhaps they’re lying to me and they just didn’t want to say, “Because we’re a sucktacular theater chain that sucks, that’s why!”

  3. Travis said,

    I looked it up too… apparently it has something to do with “profit sharing” and while we were “fortunate” enough to get Tyler Perry’s most recent cinematic masterpiece… we are in danger of not getting any of LGs other releases: Killers, The Expendables.

    Yayyyy… CARMIKE!!!

    • lokifire said,

      Yeah, that “profit sharing” bit was the part where I went a little bit unconscious.

  4. greg said,

    Really? Kick-Ass isn’t coming to Billings (for a while)? I don’t know if I was going to see it this weekend, maybe the following week, but apparently, that isn’t going to happen. :/

    • lokifire said,

      Hey, remember how Howl’s Moving Castle finally came here? Two months after it left theaters everywhere else?
      There’s still hope!
      Not much hope, but, you know … some.

  5. reymund said,


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