Do you know why there is a fourth Shrek movie? Because I don’t know why there was a third. (Or a second, for that matter.)
Is it because Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy can’t get other work? If it is that, I think they should invest their earnings (wisely, and not like that one Baldwin or whoever), and live off the interest. Or fake their own deaths and live off the insurance.
Because Enough Is Enough. (That’s should be this one’s tagline. That or: Shrek till you’re sick of us!)
I get that people want to make easy money. I get it. I do. (Speaking of which, I have this great sales plan that you guys could get in on. Just wire me $20, and watch your money grow! This isn’t a pyramid scheme! It’s more of a straight-line scheme! Don’t ask; just send cash.) But a fourth Shrek movie? That’s going beyond a few quick bucks and into actively abusing your audience.
(Besides, there’s only one piece of media currently out there that’s not abusing fairy and folk tales, and that’s Bill Willingham’s Fables. OK, he’s abusing them, but in a good way.)
I mean, how many films can you make about an ogre who finds love? I mean, obviously four, but I mean how many good films? One? One-half?
It’s Time For This To End. (That could also be Shrek 4’s tagline. That or: Shrek! It rhymes with dreck!)
So lend me a hand, God, and visit your terrible wrath upon the franchises that shouldn’t be. (Yes, I’m including Transformers in this list.)
In Your name I pray.