Splice is the creepy monster in your closet

June 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) ()

So, yeah, I won’t be seeing Splice.

I mean, have you seen that thing? It’s like a peach with sharp fangs that wants to eat you. And I hated peaches already, man. But knowing that if you splice their DNA with human DNA creates a horrible mutant monster-creature … well, that just makes things worse.

(I don’t think it’s really peach DNA, but look at the head! Look at the head!)

Oh, God, I changed my mind. Don't look at the head! DON'T LOOK AT THE HEAD!!

I get the message they’re going for here, really I do. It’s “don’t frak with God’s creation, because when you do, it turns into killer beasties that probably have sex with Adrien Brody.”

(I’m just assuming here, but everything I’ve read keeps talking about weird sex scenes, and that would be weird.)

(I mean, seriously, sex with Adrien Brody? WEIRD.)

(Ha, ha, no, I’m just kidding. He’s gorgeous.)

Especially if that's not Photoshopped.

Anyway, just ’cause I get the message doesn’t mean I want to spend the rest of my life screaming when I see peaches.

(Well, screaming louder, anyway.)

GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

So I won’t be seeing Splice. But you guys go ahead and do it. Just don’t blame me for your sudden, crippling fear of peaches.

Peaches will kill us all.

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10 Comments

  1. Travis said,

    “Movin’ to the country gonna eat a lot of peaches…”

    HaHa… I remember back when I was working at the tv station there was a woman on the Maury Povich show who was scared of peaches. She freaked out at the sight of videotaped footage of peaches played for her on the big monitor. Yeah… I am pretty sure the whole thing was phony – but it was still rather amusing.

    I’ve heard that SPLICE is actually pretty good and not really the type of movie they’re advertising it as being. Ah well… it’s not like you can “not see” THE KILLERS because Carmike is still having their tift w/ Lionsgate.

    • lokifire said,

      Yeah, it was either Splice or Marmaduke, and I think Marmaduke as the movie I’m not seeing this weekend kind of goes without saying.

  2. Travis said,

    HaHa… MARMADUKE… WTF was that studio thinking? Most of the target demo for that POS don’t even know who or what a Marmaduke is.

  3. dangerousmeredith said,

    I don’t like peaches either and so will definitely avoid this creepy little monster

    • lokifire said,

      They’re so gross, aren’t they? All fuzzy on the outside and slimy on the inside.

  4. homes said,

    Creepy creepy creepy! LOL!

  5. Daphne Ng said,

    HAHA I watched it! And yeah damn sick and twisted ending to it, I was all e_______e

    • lokifire said,

      Yes, but are you scared of peaches now?

      • Daphne Ng said,

        I’m good. I still love peaches (:
        Ok now that you’ve mentioned it I CAN’T STOP STARING AT THE HEAD.

      • lokifire said,

        LOOK AWAY! For God’s sake, you must avert your eyes!

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