Sooooo … I’m totally that guy

June 16, 2010 at 3:33 pm (Randomosity) (, )

You know the guy, right?

The guy that’s like, “Oh, that movie? The one based on (insert novel here)? I found it highly inferior to the original work. Blah, blah, blah.”

(Blah Blah Blah is a really great song, by the by.)

That guy isn’t satisfied with a good movie that is based on a novel (or comic book or video game or whatever). He wants it to be exactly the same, even though that’s impossible, because they are two completely different mediums, and I know that, really I do.

So on the flight over here, they’ve got the Sherlock Holmes film. And I’m like, “OK, sure, I’ll give it a try. Robert Downey runs around without his shirt on for a while. That should be awesome.”

(And that was pretty awesome, I have to admit.)

But then Holmes and Watson have dinner with Watson’s bride-to-be, Mary Morstan. And one of them says something about Holmes meeting her for the first time. And I’m like, “Well, that’s odd. Didn’t Holmes introduce her to Watson because she was a client of his?”

And then Holmes does his trick where he can tell all sorts of stuff about a person just from looking at them (and I have to admit, I did love the bit where Holmes is sitting alone in the restaurant waiting for Watson and Mary. Robert Downey Jr. saw everything, and you could see his interest and his frustration that he couldn’t not do it. Pretty cool acting,  I have to admit).

I'm not saying he's not a good actor, because he is. I'm just (still) saying he's much too good-looking to play Holmes. (Because I'm that guy. Obviously.)

And Mary was engaged before! And I’m like, “Well, that’s even more odd. She was never engaged.”

But then I was like, “Well, whatever, it’s just Watson. Who cares about Watson, anyhow?”

Well, Holmes did, sure, which is what made the series so great, but even Arthur Conan Doyle got a bit sick of the guy.

And then! AND THEN. Irene Adler stops by Holmes’ apartment (I’d have gone with Holmes’ home, but I thought the rhyme was too obvious, even for me), and says something like “It’s Irene Adler again,” and that’s when I was like “Frak this movie and everyone involved in it! She was never a client of his! She barely even met him! God damn all of you, they were never in love!”

They met for all of two minutes, he was disguised as an elderly priest, she thought her house was on fire, and they never bloody well had time to do this.

That was when I leaned over and showed the person sitting beside me the line in my Sherlock Holmes short story collection (which I had, coincidentally, brought on the plane with me) that says this: “It was not that he felt any emotion akin to love for Irene Adler.”

And that was when everyone was like, “Please, shut the hell up.”

So it turns out that I’m that guy. I’m a little bit ashamed, but mostly, I want to punch Guy Ritchie in the face.

What did Madonna ever see in you, you ... you ... Sherlock Holmes canon ignorer, you!

Read the damn stories before you make a Sherlock Holmes movies. Have you ever heard of accuracy?

Crap, I’m doing it again.



  1. Travis said,

    I rented Sherlock a while ago… while I did pretty much think it was a big SNOOZE fest… I did love it when RDJ was all Sherlocky with his detective skills.

    But the story jumped around more than it needed to, there was way too much obvious CGI for a movie set in Victorian London. And someone really ought to have wiped some of Richie’s icky-stick fingerprints off this thing…

  2. dangerousmeredith said,

    Fair comment, actually. I hate it when filmmakers make a version of a story or use a certain character, and then you find yourself wishing that the filmmaker had bothered to read the original book or do some research. It’s annoying when something that should be iconic is watered down and turned into something that looks like any other movie

  3. You know what doesn’t look funny? « Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] lately, things have led me to conclude that I was […]

  4. PenúltimaLinyera said,

    Agree! Hated the second movie too, awful, completely non-Sherlock, with all the shooting and “mission-impossible-like” explosions.
    Watch the bbc series “Sherlock”, although it’s a contemporary remake, it’s much more accurate.

    • lokifire said,

      Heh. You’ll have to check my more recent posts.

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