When the end times arrive, Jesus will ride a brontosaurus

June 21, 2010 at 4:54 pm (Top Ten) ()

So, TV is about a week and a day behind here, so I just saw the episode of Last Comic Standing where the “comedian” (I put it in quotes because of his habit of thinking mispronouncing stuff is funny, which is only true when it’s little kids and foreigners, because who doesn’t laugh at those guys, you know?) was talking about what kind of dinosaur Jesus will ride when he returns.

So of course, instead of sleeping off my exhaustion (being hot is hard!), I sat up all night thinking, “yeah, I wonder what kind of dinosaur Jesus Christ would ride.”

Here’s 10 I think Our Lord would saddle up:

1. Like the post title said, brontosaurus. Jesus Christ, who hopefully has a sense of humor or I am bound straight for hell, would only be more magnificent astride the back of one of these plant-eating marvels.

This one has a jetpack.

2. Tyrannosaurus Rex. What better beast than the king of the dinosaurs for the King of the Jews to ride?

3. Giraffatitan Brancai. This gimungous dinosaur would dwarf most human beings, but not Our Lord and Savior.

4. Triceratops. I don’t know why he’d do it, I just know he’d do it.

Maybe because of the whole Holy Trinity thing, eh?

5. Proceratops. Let’s just get all of the topses out of the way here, why not.

6. Maisaura. This “good mother dinosaur” would be a perfect companion for the Good Son.

7. Iguanodon. All right, you got me. Now I’m just listing dinosaurs I know the names of.

Ha, ha, I'm just kidding. I had to look it up.

8. Spinosaurus. Most people, upon seeing Jesus Christ riding a dinosaur, would be like, “Yeah, sure, it’s a miracle, but what would make it more, you know, miraculous?” How about Jesus Christ riding a dinosaur that’s got a big ol’ spine on it?

Now THAT'S a miracle, folks.

9. Pteranodon. Because what’s more awesome than the sight of the Holy Son riding a flying dinosaur?

10. Velociraptor. Nothing, except maybe Jesus Christ riding a velociraptor.

Really, the only thing more awesome than that would be a velociraptor riding a shark while dressed as Batman and carrying a light saber.

All I could find was the photo of the velociraptor with a jetpack and scissors, which you have to admit is awesome in its own way.



  1. suckit said,

    i hate that this blog exists

    • lokifire said,

      Your cutting commentary has indeed struck a blow to my very heart.
      Or whatever.

  2. Beth said,

    Heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheee. 😀

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