The movies I didn’t see last weekend

June 28, 2010 at 5:33 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , )

Not that I would have gone to see any movies anyway, since I was overseas and having a grand ol’ time (did you know that in some Japanese hotels, there are toilets with seats that rise automatically when you come near them? And in Saipan, there are no toilets that do that?), but here’s three recent releases and why I wouldn’t have gone to see them.

It's like a toilet from the future that came back in time to save us all!

Welcome back, me!

Toy Story 3.

“What?” said my cousin, when I told him I didn’t care about Toy Story 3. “Don’t you have a soul?”

As some of the commentors would agree, apparently no, I am not in the possession of a soul. (But I am in the possession of some basic grammar, spelling and punctuation skills, you asses, so learn how to use an apostrophe when you insult me!) I have nothing against the Toy Story franchise (except maybe that the same boyfriend with the Winona Ryder fetish also loved it a bit too much — not in a dirty way (I don’t think), but more like in a watched it a dozen times in one week sort of way) but I just don’t get all excited about it the way a lot of people do. Maybe it’s my lack of a soul, maybe it’s just that I don’t particularly like that kind of animation, I don’t know. But I did not see Toy Story 3 and I will not see Toy Story 3.

Maybe it's because I hate astronauts and cowboys?

Jonah Hex.

OK, this looked cool. Really, really, really cool. I mean, Jonah Hex had a horse that he rode and there was a machine gun on the horse and he shot people with it and the horse didn’t even buck him!! O. M. G.!

And then the makeup on Josh Brolin  is perfect, like, wow! Look at that scar!

I am a sucker for accuracy in comic book adaptations.

And then there’s Megan Fox!

Oh, wait, yeah, that’s why I decided not to go. Thanks for ruining a perfectly promising movie by casting her, stupid Hollywood.

Seriously, any other shapely brunette in that costume, and you've won me over.

Knight and Day.

I believe Knight and Day opened last weekend. I have to admit, I was a little tempted, because I think Cameron Diaz is one of the cutest things going, and the dialogue seemed properly sparkling and the script seemed suitably action filled.

Sure, she's beautiful, but what I like about her is that she seems like that goofy, fun chick who can outdrink all the boys.

But Tom Cruise.

He's a maniac, maniac ... on the floor. And he's dancing like he's never danced before!

That is all.

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9 Comments

  1. RubyRoses said,

    I wanted to see Jonah Hex, I was looking forward to Hex, I kinda-sorta defended Hex, it came out, I also didn’t bother seeing it [I forgot], the reviews came in….and you know what? I was stilling willing too see it…I mean at least Michael Fassbender is there being all hot and murdery, right? that’s good.
    Then I found out he’s only in it for a few minutes. Also the movie is apparently very short anyway.
    Then, THEN, I found out Foxs’ character is “Tallulah Black”, I probably spelt that wrong…whatever…
    Then I was out. Just. No. Like all the crapping on his origin aside, which they did by the skywalking truckload. I haven’t seen the movie, but I mean I’m already out. Just..ughh..
    I’ll probably see Toy Story 3 though, at some point…and cry, a lot. so I have to wait until it comes out on dvd so I can watch it alone…

    • lokifire said,

      Or you can do like I did when I watched Pan’s Labyrinth and pretend it’s allergies.
      (I yelled, “It’s allergies, dammit!”)

  2. greg said,

    See Toy Story 3. It’s easily the best movie of the year (so far…Inception might be better), and it gets pretty dark near the end. Insanely good.

    Jonah Hex has been getting all sorts of terrible reviews, even from comic book fans.

    • lokifire said,

      Eh, I think I’ll still skip it.
      Everybody insisted I watch Wall-E because it was wonderful and beautiful and blah blah blah, and I finally did, and I really didn’t like it very much. I mean, I didn’t want to jab out my eyes with chopsticks at the horror of seeing it, but I kind of wished I had done something more productive with those hours of my life.

    • Jamin said,

      haha, i saw a news article earlier today that said “Not even the star power of Megan Fox and Josh Brolin could save this movie” and i laughed so hard, because without even seeing it, i attribute it’s failure directly to Megan Fox. god, i seriously wish she’d just disappear.

      • lokifire said,

        You must’ve read it wrong. It clearly said “boob power.”

      • Jamin said,

        omg, i just realized i put an apostrophe in “its”! sorry about that!

      • lokifire said,

        I wasn’t going to say anything.

  3. dangerous meredith said,

    unfortunately Tom Cruise really IS too creepy for words. I actually think he is a decent actor, but I can never get past what a wierdo he is.

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