Eclipse vs. The Last Airbender

July 1, 2010 at 11:56 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

This is a battle for suck.


I was kind of looking forward to The Last Airbender, even though I don’t actually watch the cartoon because the people I know who do watch the cartoon say it’s a good cartoon and they are (mostly) people whose judgment I trust. But then I saw M. Night Shyamalan’s name attached to it (and you know what? Seriously, frak that guy and his last name, you know? How many vowels does it need??), and I went, Oh, well, never mind. But then I saw a trailer with all sorts of fancy special effects and I went, well maybe. But then I saw a review. And another review. And another. And it only has six percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes? Hell, Hudson Hawk got 21 percent.

One review says "This is the worst movie you will see all year," which makes me think, actually, maybe you SHOULDN'T see it, and then the worst movie you see all year will have been a good movie.

I mean, who even lets M. Night Shyamalan direct movies anymore? Shouldn’t they have seen the massive suck coming?

Come on! The man wears a choker! He's clearly an ass.

And then there’s the third Twilight movie: Eclipse, which I hate on general principle. I mean, werewolves vs. vampires has been done before, and with way more full-body leather suits.

Although I just imagined some of the Eclipse cast in leather, and some synapses in my brain collapsed.

Plus: It’s the third Twilight movie. Even if it’s infinitely better than the first two (which reviews lead me to believe it is), it’s still not infinitely better enough. Mopey vampires, werewolves and the average girl torn between them just makes for a cupful of fun for teens, but not so much for me. (And hopefully not so much for teenagers I kind of respect, because seriously, you guys, find an author who can actually write and then read a supernatural love triangle. Christ.)

Kids, pick up a Maggie Stiefvater novel instead. She works a love triangle like you wouldn't believe, and she actually knows how to make the English language not suck.

So hopefully The A-Team is still playing, and we can all watch that again.

(It was good, right? People who saw it, please assure me that it was good.)

I mean, it couldn't be better than a little people A-Team, but it could be pretty damn good.



  1. dangerousmeredith said,

    I hate the Eclipse movies on principle as well. I would much prefer to watch a little people version of the A Team.
    I enjoy your photo essays very much

    • lokifire said,

      I know! Wouldn’t a little people A-Team be the best thing ever? There’s so much potential for punning and shin-kicking!!

  2. Kashikyo said,

    I agree on both of the reviews, I saw The Last Airbender and hated it soooo much! It wasn’t worth paying ANYTHING to go see it!

  3. Kashikyo said,

    I agree on both of the reviews, I saw The Last Airbender and hated it soooo much! It wasn’t worth paying ANYTHING to go see it!

    I didn’t see eclipse but, Twilight overall sucks! books and movies alike!

    and A-Team was Awesome! haven’t seen the old shows but the new movie was sooo freaking amazing!

  4. Mik said,

    “Come on! The man wears a choker! He’s clearly an ass.”
    Really? That ‘choker’ happens to be a religious symbol like a cross for Christians. Your ignorance and/or insensitivity is sickening.

    • lokifire said,

      The pendant, I don’t have a problem with. The choker, I do. He could easily string the pendant on not a choker and not look like a pretentious ass.
      But what do I know from pretentious asses? Perhaps you could tell me, Mik.

      • Mik said,

        I’m sure I couldn’t tell you what you’d know ‘from’ pretentious asses, seeing as I sure don’t know what that sentence even means. He couldn’t easily string the pendant on “not a choker” as he is wearing it as it is supposed to be worn.

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