A love letter to Anna Wu

July 20, 2010 at 3:20 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, )

Dear Anna Wu,

I think you’re beautiful.

Plus, I kind of covet your tights.

Sure, you’re not on my favorite show anymore, Chuck (which beats out Burn Notice not in explosions but in heart), but that’s not your fault. I mean, the writers had to do something with budget cuts and all, and they’d left it wide open for you not to return from Hawaii. So you dumped Morgan, who is totally cute and I also love him and I wouldn’t be able to forgive you if I didn’t know about the budget cuts.

I like to think that you sit around in Hawaii looking this good.

(Damn you, budget cuts!)

Because I think you and Morgan were perfect together, and seriously, where is that guy going to find another girl shorter than him? And tougher?

I'm just not sure there's another girl in this world that Morgan could carry, because he is a tiny man.

(And don’t tell me to look no further than John Casey’s DNA, because there is no way a girl that petite could be his real daughter.)

You, Anna Wu, are the perfect girl. You’re smart, you’re snarky, you’re good with computers. You kick ass like it’s your job.

Plus, you wield eyeliner like an expert. An expert in eyelining. I don't know what point I was trying to make here.

Which is why, now that you’re single and no longer on my favorite show (which doesn’t actually beat out Cowboy Bebop, but I’m only counting shows that are currently airing), I’m asking you to marry me.

Now, I know that’s illegal in most states because of people like my aunt (who thinks that polygamy is OK, but she is Mormon and I think she hates sex), but you live in California, and I swear that woman who married a dolphin (the bastards of the sea!) was from California.

Anyway, I just think we would make a really cute couple. You could teach me how to apply makeup, maybe introduce me to some of your friends, like John Casey and Chuck Bartowski. I wouldn’t mind that at all. (Really. You should introduce me to both of them. Preferably at the same time.)

But if you must choose one, please choose John Casey, because I love the way he shoots and punches things. People and things.

This letter might not strike you as being particularly romantic, Anna Wu, but I promise, were you to reply, I would woo you like the phonetic spelling of your last name.

I love you.

(If you have John Casey’s number, I’d love to have it.)

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