I actually don’t care who is Salt

July 22, 2010 at 11:38 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , )

Angelina Jolie’s new flick, “Salt,” opens this weekend, which, if you cared, you would already know, but I didn’t because that thing about caring.

Yup. The poster isn't helping me care here.

But for you, faithful readers, I sat down and watched the trailer. Actually, I was already sitting, so that made it easier.

And what I learned from the trailer is that Angelina Jolie is a CIA agent accused of being a Russian spy, and that someone kidnapped her husband, and that her dog is really cute. Also that her last name is Salt, which I guess because they already used “Bourne”?

Also, I learned that there is a web site called who is salt, which I linked to just for you. But I can assure you that, unless this movie decides to suddenly kick ass at the last minute and shock us all, Salt is a patriotic American who is falsely accused.

And a person who thinks that it's a disguise if you dye your hair black even though you look like Angelina Jolie.

I didn’t learn this from the trailer, but for those of you who like seeing Angelina Jolie’s lady bits, apparently she strips out of her underwear for some spy-related reason, so there’s that.

And for those of you who swing the other way, Liev Schreiber is in this movie too.

I don't think he has adamantium claws, though, which is a disappointment.

If I have helped you in any way make a decision one way or another about what to do this weekend, then my work here is done. Also, it’s done even if I didn’t help, because this is the last sentence.

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