A love letter to Prisoner KSC2-303

August 3, 2010 at 3:48 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , , )

Dear Prisoner KSC2-303,

I know it seems like I’m just proposing to every awesome fictional character willy-nilly, but I just want you to know that I have a true and abiding love for you that is as deep as any love that a fangirl could have for a character played by Tak Sakaguchi.

Who has a sword.

It’s, like, deep.

First off, I really admire the way you escaped from those police through a series of circumstances that led to a slightly oblique Evil Dead 2 reference. I mean, anything that leads to an Evil Dead 2 reference automatically fills me with a floaty feeling, like when you wake up and there’s a bunny in your bed and it’s wearing one of those miniature top hats.


(I think everyone should wake up like that, Prisoner KSC2-303.)

Plus, you have to deal with yakuza and zombies and then zombie yakuza, and they have guns, because, Prisoner KSC2-303, you star in one of the best zombie films ever, and I love you.

I also love the person who cast the guy in the middle, because he is so over the top, it is just beautiful.

(It’s a deep love, and also a pure and abiding one.)

And I realize that you already have a love that has crossed the boundaries of time and space, but I just want you to know: that girl is just too wholesome for you.

I mean, sure, she’s cute and her blood has magical properties or something (that’s the part of the plot I always find a little hard to follow, Prisoner KSC2-303, because what does magical blood have to do with zombies with guns?), but she’s, like, the lawful good to your chaotic evil.

Just look at that. She's wearing WHITE! Could she be any more obvious??

(Your chaotic evil-ness is part of what charms me, dear Prisoner KSC2-303.)

(Well, that and the way you look exactly like Tak Sakaguchi.)

I mean, it's uncanny!

Anyway, my point here, Prisoner KSC2-303, is that you deserve a girl who doesn’t have magical blood or, indeed, morals.

That girl is me.

(Because believe me, if there’s one thing my blood is not, is magical.)

(And if there’s one thing my morals are not, it’s existent.)

Think about it, Prisoner KSC2-303. We could fight evil together or be evil together. I don’t really mind which one. As long as I get to shoot some zombies in the brains at your side, I will be happy.

(You can’t imagine how happy, Prisoner KSC2-303. Happier than when you wake up and there’s a bunny in a miniature top hat and it’s doing a tap dance.)

So please consider me to be your partner in evil, or good, or whichever side you’re working nowadays.

Also, could I borrow your sword?

I really like your sword.

I love you.

Also, I love your character in Shinobi, even if he is far, far prettier than I shall ever be.



  1. Jamin said,

    ahhh, great movie and great memories. that was fun watching that đŸ™‚

    • Jamin said,

      also… have they ever gotten around to making the sequel/continuation?

      • lokifire said,

        I haven’t heard any news on that front.
        Which, I guess, is probably good, because those things never quite live up to expectations.

  2. A love letter to Yakuza with Glasses « Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] boss that will end with you getting your heart ripped out, turned into a zombie, and then cut up by Tak Sakaguchi. Because that’s not what I want for you, Yakuza with […]

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