Someone, please stop her

August 18, 2010 at 3:01 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , )

So, why hasn’t anyone told Jennifer Aniston to stop making movies?

I mean, there’s plenty of other things she could be doing. She could have a shoe line, for instance. Shoe lines are nice. She could go back to television, like maybe hosting some sort of reality show. Those are nice.

I would wear shoes like these every day if it means never having to hear Jessica Simpson's voice again.

OK, maybe that’s not plenty of other things, but it’s still other things. She could be doing those other things. That would be nice.

So why hasn’t someone told her to stop making movies?

Is it because people still want her haircut?

"Oooh, oooh, can you cut my hair so it's straight and just kind of hangs there?"

Is it because she’s America’s sweetheart, even though I thought that was Julia Roberts (no matter how much her teeth make me want to slap her across the face)?

See, now, when she's not smiling -- I covet that necklace, I covet that necklace, I covet that necklace.

Is it because my aunt likes her movies? Well, I have news for you, Hollywood. My aunt likes the National Treasure movies. Yeah. Both of them. Both of them. So her taste is suspect, and I’m sure there can’t be that many people out there who have equally suspicious tastes.

What do you mean there's going to be a third one? Why would anyone want that?

But, since no one will tell Jennifer Aniston she should stop making movies, we have The Switch, which would be better served by having Jason Bateman star opposite someone else. Anyone else.

Oh, wait, no, I’m sorry, I meant, we have The Switch, which would have been better served by why the hell did someone even make a romantic comedy about switched sperm samples anyway? Christ.

It totally looks like Jason Bateman has found sperm in his coffee cup in this poster.



  1. Jamin said,

    i’ve never cared for Jennifer Aniston at all. she’s not funny, she’s not talented, and she’s not nearly as pretty as people seem to think. funny how Brad Pitt seems to fall for the same type of woman. *rimshot*

  2. Travis said,

    *sigh* I have had a crush on her for a long time – pre-Friends! She was Ferris Bueler’s sister on the short-lived tv series, then she was on a sketch comedy show called “The Edge” with the red-headed Julie Brown and Newman from “Seinfeld”. Ands then there was LEPRECHAUN… which I guess she even refuses to talk about.

    But a lot of her movies have been pretty bad, cookie cutter RomCom crap!

    BTW the original title of “The Switch” was “The Baster”… yikes!

    • lokifire said,

      Wow, and I thought I sucked at titles.

  3. Jamin said,

    hmmm… i actually got dragged to this movie this weekend. was planning to see “The Other Guys”, but it was sold out, so we saw this instead (it was the lesser of MANY evils). and actually i have to say, aside from the (refreshingly few) scenes with Jennifer Aniston, the movie was FANTASTIC. granted, there weren’t enough explosions or fights or zombies, but Jason Bateman and the cute little kid were pretty awesome. and Jennifer Aniston really wasn’t in it very much 🙂

    • Jamin said,

      oh, and for the record, it hardly qualifies as a romantic comedy. ’cause, did i mention Jenniston isn’t in it very much at all? it’s pretty much about Jason Bateman and his kid.

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