A love letter to Miyamoto

August 30, 2010 at 3:55 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, )

Dear Miyamoto,

Do you have a first name? Is Miyamoto your first name? Because it sounds like a last name to me, but what do I know, I’m not Japanese. I guess that could have been two sentences, but it’s too late for regrets (or editing) now!

Why is it too late?

Because, Miyamoto, I love you.

I know this seems sudden, because you hardly know me — actually, you don’t know me at all because of the whole stupid boundary between fiction and reality — but I feel like I’ve known you all my life. Or at least since 2005, when I got your movie on DVD. It was one of those movies with time travel, and aliens and slow-motion fight sequences and explosions and, most importantly of all, Takeshi Kaneshiro, who played you: Miyamoto. Also, he wore leather and sunglasses a lot, and that was awesome.

And, yes, it was totally ripping off The Matrix's style, but I don't care because Takeshi Kaneshiro.

I mean, it was like the director of the movie looked into my soul and my soul said, “Thank you so, so, so much for casting Takeshi Kaneshiro in an action movie with time travel and aliens and he shoots people a lot while he’s wearing leather and sunglasses.”

(My soul is the grateful sort.)

(On occasion.)

So there you were, Miyamoto, looking exactly like Takeshi Kaneshiro and shooting bad guys and saving the world like no one’s business. (I forgot what I was actually going to say there, and kind of blankly stared at the computer screen for a moment, so “no one’s business” it is.) And wearing leather and sunglasses, because damn.

He's not actually wearing leather or sunglasses here, but, just for the record: Damn.

And, since you gave up the life of an assassin or whatever the hell you were (hired gun?) at the end of the movie, and didn’t get shot to death thanks to the power of time travel!, and the female character was too young to play your love interest, I thought that maybe we could get together or something. You know, for “until death do us part” and all that.

Also, she was a bit grungy and from the future, which I imagine is a hard thing to work around.

Please wear leather to the wedding.

Or Armani. Armani is also fine.

"Fine," "lustworthy," whichever.



  1. francesca said,

    Google, whilst scouring the net for Takeshi titbits has just found you for me. Wonderful post, wonderful blog. You made me sigh longingly AND lol – no mean feat xx

    • lokifire said,

      I’m all for longing sighs!
      Thanks for reading.

  2. Jamin said,

    i’m a straight man, and even i have to admit that Takeshi Kaneshiro is gorgeous.

    • lokifire said,

      He’s one of God’s best creations, yessirree.

  3. shona said,

    in my office, i share takeshi fever with older, and younger girls! and my 4-year old niece is also in-love with him. what can i say..? take’s allure is for all ages!

    • lokifire said,

      What a smart and tasteful niece you have!

  4. WildZero said,

    The Returner? Really? You MUST love the man. I mean, you could have picked Red Cliff or House of Flying Daggers or even K-20, but you are championing the Returner…wow.

    Also, I didn’t realize he was in some of Wong Kar Wai’s films. Cool.

  5. WildZero said,

    You’re absolutely right; you did do that. I should have checked first, and I apologize. My comment was not about you but about The Returner, which I felt was beneath him.

    • lokifire said,

      Which means, of course, we get to see Takeshi Kaneshiro being a badass for that much longer.

  6. Jamin said,

    oh man… Red Cliff may be one of the best movies ever made! i mean seriously, defeating an enemy army by trapping them with your footsoldiers and then unleashing your generals on them? how kick-ass is that? reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy freakin’ kick-ass is how much.

  7. Aredhel said,

    Hey, I’m a Takeshi fan too and I just wanted to say, I really like your blog. Of course I read mainly the Takeshi-related stuff, but I looked at some other topics too, and everything is just so funny. I love how you find the right words to put on the various feelings one can have when watching a film, and especially your talent for inserting the right pictures at the right moment, with really funny captions đŸ˜€
    And well, I don’t hate Keanu Reeves but I’m no fan either, so I can also find some kind of wicked pleasure in reading your posts about him!

    • lokifire said,

      “Wicked” pleasure is the best kind of pleasure of all.

  8. Takeshi Kitano said,

    He’s never looked better than in Fallen Angels… but I loved him in Sleepless Town!

  9. ‘Splosions galore: I finally saw Fury Road | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] while watching a movie while my daughter is at her dad’s house. For several years, it was Returner, and then it was Hot Fuzz, and this year it was Mad Max: Fury Road, and my presents look just […]

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