The Little Mermaid vs. The Little Prince

September 7, 2010 at 11:45 am (Fictional Character Battles) (, , )

I blame you people for this. I only know of so many fictional characters that other people have heard of, and this is what you get.

A battle of The Little Somethings!

One’s a prince, one’s a mermaid.

This one's the mermaid.

I can't think of a more clever caption, so you're stuck with: This one's the prince.

One was created by a French guy, the other by a guy so religious his middle name is Christian!

Who will reign triumphant? Who? WHOOOOOO?

Find out — now:

Physicality. The Little Mermaid is a mermaid, and she is little. Also, in the Disney cartoon, she’s a redhead with a great rack. Like, who doesn’t have great racks in Disney cartoons? The Little Prince is a prince who is also little. He’s usually drawn as a blonde with just a line for a nose. It’s got to be hard to breathe like that. Too bad Michael Jackson’s dead so we can’t ask him! Ah ha ha ha ha haaaa … not so funny, right? Winner? The Little Mermaid.

Lives in a strange and unique world? The Little Mermaid lives under the sea, and you should feel really guilty about eating at Red Lobster, because look at all the cute singing critters down there. Anyway, under the sea is a wonderful world filled with dolphins and crustaceans and all sorts of other icky singing bastards. That’s strange and unique. The narrator of The Little Prince comes across The Little Prince in the desert, but The Little Prince actually comes from an asteroid the size of a house that has volcanoes on it and a rose. That’s also strange and unique. Winner? I’d say it’s a tie, but I think it’s more unique for a creature who’s ostensibly human to be able to breathe and have gravity on a teeny-tiny little asteroid, so I’m giving this one to The Little Prince.

Also, he's got this great formal outfit.

Sacrifices a lot for love? The Little Mermaid falls in love with a human prince because she’s a superficial creature. Like, who falls in love with someone they don’t even know, right? But anyway, she gives up her undersea kingdom and her voice to gain legs and the ability to woo the prince. Also, every step for The Little Mermaid felt like she was walking on knives, so that’s pretty badass in my book. The Little Prince has fallen in love with a rose on his asteroid planet, whom he waters and protects from weeds. Raising his rose is pretty much all he does until he comes to earth. Winner? The Little Mermaid. The Little Prince sacrificed his time for his rose, but that’s what made him love her.

Is this battle getting awfully philosophical or what? I blame Saint-Exupery for that.

I always forget that Saint-Exupery looked like that.

Dies a horrible death? The Little Mermaid, in the original Hans Christian Anderson tale, dies. Dies, died, dead. She does not wed the prince and does not get a happy ending. Or does she? Well, she doesn’t wed the prince, but she doesn’t turn into seafoam either. She becomes an air spirit, and is promised to earn a soul after 600 years or so. The Little Prince *sob* returns to his *sniffle* home planet *weep*, but he leaves *rending of garments and gnashing of teeth* his body behind because it’s too heavy. Not because he’s died of dehydration or anything. *Sob. Again.* Winner? Neither, because they’re not dead, dammit! They went on to happy body-less existences!!!

Isn’t that the definition of “dead”? Shut up! La la la la la la, can’t hear you!

Ooooh, look at the cool Little Mermaid dress.

Has been featured in sequels of variable quality? The Little Mermaid, now being property of Disney, has been featured in sequels like you wouldn’t believe. Well, you would if you have a small female child. Damn you, Disney. The Little Prince has been in sequels written by people who aren’t Saint-Exupery, who, if he had wanted a sequel in the first place, would have written one himself. Jerks. Winner? A tie in mediocrity.

Imparts a meaningful philosophical lesson that you totally got the first time you read it? The Little Mermaid is the story of a mermaid who wants a soul. Also love. It’s a metaphor for baptism or something. The Little Prince is the story of a little prince who lives on an asteroid, meets all these awful grownups and loves a rose. It’s clearly meant to be read on the surface level, and you can gain no deeper lesson from it. Winner? The Little Mermaid, because you know you didn’t glean all the philosophy in The Little Prince on your first read, I don’t care how smart you think you are.

Is generally more awesome? The Little Prince is generally more awesome. I was feeling bad about him constantly losing out to that redheaded bimbo, so this category’s for him. Winner? The Little Prince.

Because I can’t think of any more categories, and this was probably a bad idea: the overall winner? The Little Mermaid, by way of her incredible rack.

Look at that. Not a single one of those seahorse bastards is meeting her eye.

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6 Comments

  1. Jeremy said,

    I think Ponyo would pw0n both of them.

    • lokifire said,

      I didn’t see that, because my hatred of sealife trumps my love of Miyazaki films.

  2. Alicia Perez said,

    I think Little Mermaid wins in any situation. Who doesn’t like to believe in love. The little mermaid changed is the best animated picture ever!

    • lokifire said,

      You sound like a very happy, positive person.
      How can you stand it????

  3. Jennifer Smith (@prayerprincess) said,

    Love the dress!! kinda looks like an apron!! where can I buy it??? 🙂 @laurenabarlow check this out!!! #thelittlemermaid

    • lokifire said,

      I found that image at The Vintage Doctor, which is just chock full of cute dresses that I want want want.

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