A love letter to the goddamned Batman

September 10, 2010 at 3:55 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , , )

Dear Batman,

You are my perfect (bat) man.

I have long dreamt of wedding a vigilante who dresses like a giant bat.

You are:

1) a superhero

2) fabulously, fabulously wealthy.

Either one of these things is enough to get my attention, but the combination of the two, well! And with a masked vigilante’s lifespan being what it is, marrying you is like pulling an Anna Nicole Smith without having to marry some crusty old guy before he kicks off.

There are better ways for a woman with her looks to become rich, but it was probably the most expedient.

Errrr, not, Batman, that I want to marry you for your wealth alone. You have many other redeeming qualities, such as having trained with ninja! (Having trained with ninja is a thing that can be defined as a “quality,” right?)

Let's ALL train with ninja.

There’s also your good looks and your gadgets. (OK, I’m pretty sure you can call gadgets a “quality.”) And I mustn’t forget your keen detective’s mind, which is a big turn-on for most ladies, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that.

(I mean, do you have any idea how many fictional women were throwing their panties at Sherlock Holmes?)

If your answer was "As many as there are modern-day women throwing THEIR panties at Robert Downey Jr.," you are correct.

Also, and most importantly, you are the goddamned Batman.

And you have the jaw of a god.

I love you.

I also love looking at Christian Bale, and you look exactly like him. It's meant to be.

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1 Comment

  1. A love letter to Milligan (a character in the books I’m reading to my daughter) « Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] Sure, part of it is because everybody else is so damned wholesome and sweet, because you live in a children’s book, but the other part of it is because you are the Batman of said children’s books. Actually, that’s the biggest part of it, because who doesn’t love Batman? […]

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