“Devil” can go to hell

September 15, 2010 at 11:38 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , )

So I’m not a nice person. I think we all get that. And as a not very nice person, one of the things that gives me great pleasure is watching M. Night Shyamalan’s career implode.

Maybe I wouldn't dislike him as much if he didn't wear chokers?

(I mean watching it from afar, not actually going to any of his movies, of course.)

His newest piece of insanity is the locked-room horror movie Devil. It’s about people trapped in an elevator, and one of them is the devil. My vote is for the shifty guy in the suit, but maybe it’s the old lady, like in that movie with the killer angels.

Apparently, horror filmmakers are all secretly terrified of their grandmas.

The trailer tries to give everything this sense of impending doom, with its big white letters that have growing stems (just watch it, you’ll see what I mean) and its overwhelming sense of importance: “Today. Everything happens. For a reason.” (Like, what reason is that, trailer? What possible reason could the (a?) devil have for trapping a bunch of people in an elevator? Is reigning over hell that dull? I feel kind of bad for the guy if so. Jeez.)

OK, see how the "t" in "encounters" is longer than the other letters? Why did someone think that was a cool effect?

Also, I think filmmakers need to learn that they are no Alfred Hitchcock and they never will be. That man could make a closed-room movie like you wouldn’t believe, and he hated icy blondes. (He also loved them. He was a man of contrasts.)

Oh, Hitch. No director will ever again be as awesome as you.

I guess I should clarify that M. Night Whatsisname came up with the story for the movie. He didn’t direct it. Which still means there will still be some sort of spectacular twist, and no one will care.

Wait, what was the twist in The Village?

The good news is that the movie is only one hour and 20 minutes long.

So you’ll only be wasting that much of your life.

Unlike the poor actors, who probably had to film this thing for months. They got paid for it, though.

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4 Comments

  1. greg said,

    True story: this trailer was playing during opening night of Scott Pilgrim. And when M. Night’s name popped up, everyone laughed. We just laughed.

    • lokifire said,

      That’s the best true story I’ve heard all day.

      • Jamin said,

        damn, that’s weird. i, too, laugh hysterically every time i see that trailer. specifically, when Shyamalan’s name pops up. …you know… ’cause he’s a joke…?

  2. Travis said,

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