A list of things that are orange

October 5, 2010 at 11:13 am (Top Ten) (, )

So, we know of 10 orange creatures more qualified to write a novel than Jersey’s Shore’s over-tanned Snooki. But you know what else should be getting published before that damned Snooki (yes, yes, other than myself)?

I still have my doubts about its alleged literacy.

Inanimate objects, that’s what.

So here’s a list of 10 orange things more qualified to write a novel than Snooki.

1. A cheeto. Hell, a whole bag of cheetos, even.

I wonder why people feel compelled to take pictures of their Cheetos?

2. An orange peel. I’d say the whole orange, but just the peel struck me as funnier.

Ahhh ha ha ha ha ha haaahhhhh. It's actually not as funny as I thought.

3. Deflated basketball. Why is it deflated? Who knows?

You might as well ask: "Why is someone named 'Snooki' famous?"

4. A pumpkin. And with Halloween quickly approaching, surely there are pumpkins out there with stories to tell.

"You should've seen it Marv. They plucked all of 'em! And the horrible things they carved into their bodies? It was carnage, pure and simple, Marv. Carnage."

5. Marigolds. A whole bouquet of them, why not!

Or just the one. Whatever.

6. Carrot. Maybe one of those deformed carrots that looks like Jesus or something.

Or like this ungodly beast.

7. A pool of spilled Sunkist, curdling on the floor. Can Sunkist curdle? It probably just congeals.

Seriously, how can you people drink that stuff?

8. A pile of leaves. Yes, some of the leaves are brown. Some of the leaves are red. But some of them are orange, and they are still smarter than Snooki.

Also, they are pretty.

9. Traffic cones. Because, that’s why.

Sometimes, it's hard to come up with 10 orange things.

10. Candy corn. I hate candy corn.

I didn't know sugar could be evil, but here you go. Hard, yucky evidence.

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