A love letter to Wolverine (Hugh Jackman version)

October 21, 2010 at 11:14 am (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , , )

Dear Wolverine (Hugh Jackman version),

I love you.


Well, not really in the romantic sense, or the “got to know him and thought he was really neat” sense. More in the “holy shit, look at those arms!” sense.

It's actually hard to look AWAY from the arms.

So, I guess, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman version), what I’m saying is I lust after you. Especially your arms, because they are amazing. Your arms are like if the best-written poetry in the world was hot. Maybe that simile doesn’t work for you. It probably shouldn’t because it’s completely nonsensical, but everything else I thought of was beyond sacriligeous and I figure, why tempt God more than I already have, you know?

I know I shouldn't eat thee!

Anyway, Wolverine, I just want you to know I have watched nearly every movie you’ve been in, even the third X-Men movie, because the first two were really good and I didn’t realize that the third would be such a steaming pile. I didn’t watch that prequel, though, despite the trailers showing you murdering the hell out of a helicopter.

Take that, you stupid helicopter!

It’s not because I don’t love you. It’s just that I don’t love you quite that much, I guess.

I'm sorry, it's just that I like GOOD action movies.

Also, like I said before, it’s less love and more lust, so you can see why I didn’t want to submit myself to the pain.

(Although I do think Liev Schreiber is awesome.)

I mean, he's a brilliant actor and he looks like THAT, you know?

(And helicopter murder is also awesome.)

(Well, not in real life, because there’s probably innocent people in there, but it makes for a cool effect in a movie.)

Innocent people: the creamy filling of helicopters.

Also, Wolverine (Hugh Jackman version), thanks to my viewing of three out of four of your films and my scant knowledge of your comic book counterpart, I am aware that every woman you love comes to a bad end.

For instance, they are forced to star in the third X-Men movie.

And I just want you to know that that’s okay. I mean, you read that thing above about me tempting God, right? I’m pretty much guaranteed a bad end as it is, so I might as well go out in style.

(Wink, wink.)

(Was that too subtle? I hope it wasn’t too subtle.)

Just think about it, that’s all I’m saying.

Or you could pose like that instead. Either one suits me just fine.


1 Comment

  1. Terry said,

    XMen Origins was worth the watch for me. I’ve seen the other XMen movies, despite not being a follower of the comic books, etc. Lots of Jackman and Schreiber, and you’ll probably enjoy Gambit as well (don’t recall who plays him, but the character is cool). Plus the battle with the Frankensteinian mutant at Three Mile Island is pretty cool.

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