There’s only one Tom Cruise movie I have ever liked

November 15, 2010 at 12:30 pm (Whatever happened to ...?) (, , )


And that movie is Legend, because it’s got unicorns and fair folk and Tim Curry.

He's actually less scary like that.

And also: Mia Sara, which is way easier to pronounce than Mia Sarapocciello, the name she was born with.

I thought you weren't supposed to touch the UNICOOOOORN!!!!

And by the way, I haven’t seen Mia Sara in a film since Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and why did I watch that, anyway?

Oh, right, because it was the only thing on at that Japanese hotel where I suffered my first hangover ever.

What has the lovely Ms. Sara/Sarapocciello been up to lately?

Mia Sara got her start in Legend, which I already knew. Well, I didn’t know that was her first film, because who leaps directly from obscurity to starring role? She followed that up with Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, which I also already knew, but I guess I had forgotten those two movies came out so near in time to each other.

After that, I swear, she never saw the big screen again. (OK, maybe she did, but certainly not in movies I’ve ever heard of before.)

She followed up her role as Ferris Bueller’s girlfriend by starring in the TV movie Queenie, which makes me think of that PJ Harvey song “50 Ft. Queenie,” which is probably even dirtier than I think it is.

You know a woman who lounges around the house in outfits like this is thinking some dirty thoughts, all right.

Queenie is the story of a “half-caste beauty” (I know, right?) and her pursuit of fame and fortune. Possibly more interesting than the tale of an average-looking woman of ordinary descent pursuing mediocrity, but not possibly more interesting enough.

Hey, is Kirk Douglas even still alive? Is it insensitive to ask?

In 1988, she starred in a couple of films that aren’t even good enough to be sold as individual DVDs, and are packaged with other films of that same ilk. I know you think you want to know the names of these films, but really, it doesn’t matter.

She killed time in the ’90s by starring in more TV movies (or at least appearing in them; I actually got bored and didn’t click on the titles to check her billing), guest-starring on TV shows and more of those awful, awful movies that no one ever sees, except when they accidentally go in the wrong theater and then they’re too lazy to leave.

Or because sleeping in a movie theater is cheaper than sleeping in a hotel.

In 1994, she was in Timecop, so that’s … something.

Ha, ha, ha, you can never unsee this image!!!

In the 00s, which I should hope you know I’m pronouncing in my head as “the aughts,” her most interesting thing was playing Dr. Harleen Quinzel in Birds of Prey, which I did know was a series, but did not know managed to last for a whole eight episodes.

If IMDB hadn’t sworn it was true, I’d’ve never realized it was the same woman.

In 2007, she guest-starred on CSI:NY, because I guess Law & Order: SVU can’t cast everybody, but give them time, they will manage it.

Her most recent project is The Witches of Oz, which I see as a step up for her because Christopher Lloyd is in it, and what that he touches does not turn into gold, you know?

I don’t think I’m overstating my point by calling him “The King Midas of the Silver Screen.” OK. Much.

Also, it’s got a hobbit. Not the one I’ve heard of.

I prefer my hobbits to have cute little noses and star on Lost.

The other one.

A thing I didn’t realize about Sean Astin is that he’s old enough to have been in The Goonies.

Oh, and she does have a pilot’s license, so that’s cool.

Fly, Mia, fly! (Note: not actually an image of Mia Sara flying.)



  1. Jamin said,

    the first thing i knew about Sean Astin is that he was in that godawful movie “Rudy” /shudder /mouthpuke

    • lokifire said,

      That was my high school cross-country coach’s favorite movie.
      I hate my high school cross-country coach.

  2. Yen said,

    you didn’t like Collateral? what about Interview with the Vampire?

    I would recommend Magnolia, especially.

    • lokifire said,

      No, I didn’t like those, and also Magnolia.
      But I very much enjoy Legend.

  3. A “Whatever Happened To…?” update | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] a few years back, I wondered what happened to Mia Sara, the beautiful actress from Legend and Ferris Bueller’s Day […]

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