Where’s Cary Grant when you need him?

December 8, 2010 at 12:08 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (Angelina Jolie, Cary Grant, Johnny Depp, North by Northwest, The Tourist)

OK, he’s dead, like all the movie greats, but I think The Tourist totally was made for him.

I mourn your loss daily, you well-dressed sonuvabitch.

Him and, I don’t know, one of Hitchcock’s icy blondes.

Yeah, like this one.

It just doesn’t seem like the right fit for Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

Ewww, kind of the way that wrap is doing her no favors.

Not that I’m saying Johnny’s doing a bad job, because he never does a bad job, and in fact, by the end of the trailer, his flat yet somewhat surprised deliveries were really beginning to grow on me.

Or perhaps I'm just relieved he's not a pirate this time, I don't know.

I’m just saying this is a Cary Grant movie.

In fact, it’s basically North by Northwest, without the Mount Rushmore scene. Or the plane scene. Or Cary Grant.

And without the plane and Cary Grant, you've just got a cornfield and a patch of asphalt.

Really, The Tourist needs Cary Grant.

And this blog needs another photo of Cary Grant!

Because, otherwise, what you’ve got is another spy thriller with Angelina Jolie playing the femme fatale for the umpteenth time and Johnny Depp looking like he’s slightly bored.

See? He even looks bored in the poster.

“I don’t regret kissing you,” he says to Angelina Jolie, because apathy leaves no room for regret.

Johnny Depp's inner monologue: "I wish Cary Grant were here."

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