Where’s Cary Grant when you need him?

December 8, 2010 at 12:08 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , )

OK, he’s dead, like all the movie greats, but I think The Tourist totally was made for him.

I mourn your loss daily, you well-dressed sonuvabitch.

Him and, I don’t know, one of Hitchcock’s icy blondes.

Yeah, like this one.

It just doesn’t seem like the right fit for Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

Ewww, kind of the way that wrap is doing her no favors.

Not that I’m saying Johnny’s doing a bad job, because he never does a bad job, and in fact, by the end of the trailer, his flat yet somewhat surprised deliveries were really beginning to grow on me.

Or perhaps I'm just relieved he's not a pirate this time, I don't know.

I’m just saying this is a Cary Grant movie.

In fact, it’s basically North by Northwest, without the Mount Rushmore scene. Or the plane scene. Or Cary Grant.

And without the plane and Cary Grant, you've just got a cornfield and a patch of asphalt.

Really, The Tourist needs Cary Grant.

And this blog needs another photo of Cary Grant!

Because, otherwise, what you’ve got is another spy thriller with Angelina Jolie playing the femme fatale for the umpteenth time and Johnny Depp looking like he’s slightly bored.

See? He even looks bored in the poster.

“I don’t regret kissing you,” he says to Angelina Jolie, because apathy leaves no room for regret.

Johnny Depp's inner monologue: "I wish Cary Grant were here."

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5 Comments

  1. dangerousmeredith said,

    Cary Grant is lovely. Have you seen arsenic and old lace? It’s hilarious. I love Johnny Depp but I find Angelina Jolie (although stunning and undoubtedly talented) just a teeny bit wierd for reasons I can’t understand

    • lokifire said,

      I never have! Not even the play, which our local theater stages every couple of years or so.
      (And it’s her oversized lips. They’re freaky.)

      • dangerousmeredith said,

        I think you might be onto something there…

      • Supremely Weary said,

        i cant imagine seeing that with anyone BUT cary grant! (otherwise it would really be a disturbing and not funny movie at all :< )

  2. Supremely Weary said,

    everything i want to say about cary grant, (plus memories of my mother and i spending literally two days with cary grant VHS’s), all in one snarkky blog! đŸ˜€

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