A love letter to Sgt. Nicholas Angel

December 22, 2010 at 4:22 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, )

Dear Nicholas Angel,

I love you.

Every time I watch Hot Fuzz, I want to have Simon Pegg’s little redheaded babies.

I love everything about you.

From the way you leap over things to the way you do flips over things, I love you.

I forgot to mention that I think I love you the most when you’re leaping over things while shooting your gun.

For your unerring accuracy with an air pistol, I love you.

You are my perfect man.

For the way you carry two spare pens with you, I love you. For the way you ride white horses while loaded down with more artillery than I’ve ever seen in my life, I love you.

I couldn’t find any pictures of you riding said horse, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to let you know I also appreciate the way you walk while carrying that many guns, omigod you are so hot.

I love the way you’re ready and willing to do paperwork on all those people you’ve arrested. I love the way you insist on saying “police officer” instead of “policeman.”

You are so PC, and that is just so cute, I swear.

I love the way you say “Yarb” when you’re fooling the bad guys.

I love the way you raise a Japanese peace lily only to use it for bashing in the head of the guy who says “Yarb.”

It shows both dedication and a willingness to bust people’s heads open.

I love the way you rescue stray swans.

Hell, I even love you when you’re getting outwitted by stray swans.

I love the way you say “collision” instead of “accident” because accident implies no one is at fault.

I love the way you wear a vest.

Also the way you wear sunglasses.

And I know that Danny Butterman is your soul mate, and that’s OK. I want you to know that I don’t mind.

He is, after all, quite loveable.

I will totally take sloppy seconds.

Please don’t look at me like that. It’s only because I love you so much.

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4 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    huh… i always thought it was “Yarp”. i guess narp.

    • lokifire said,

      It sounded like “Yarb” to me, but they’ve got those tricky British accents, you know.

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