Are those nails she’s puking?

January 26, 2011 at 11:57 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , )

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a demonic possession story. (Why do I keep introducing things like that? There’s obviously a lot more than one thing I hate.) Anyway, one of the many, many, many things I hate is a demonic possession story. Why is that, you wonder? Well, this one’s not just due to my anti-social nature. It’s because demonic possession stories are really, really scary and they make me cry.

I was going to actually use a screen capture from The Exorcist, but then I started crying and couldn't stop, so movie poster it is.

They’re worse than slasher films. They’re worse than ghost movies. They’re worse than vampire movies, back when vampire movies were scary and not love stories. (When was that? The 1920s?)

Yeah, that's the one I'm thinking of.

They are really, really scary and I hate them.

Which brings me to The Rite. Of course they film it only in darkly lit rooms and put Anthony Hopkins in it, because why not make it scarier, you know? And then they put creepy makeup on the possessed chick and toss her out in the street, why not.

And let's do this with the poster, because who needs to ever sleep again ever, right?

Not that it doesn’t have its share of ridiculousness, like Priest Supermodel’s awful hair.

Yup. Gave up my career as a supermodel to be a priest and never have sex ever again. That seems totally likely.

Or Anthony Hopkins being all, “Ooooh, my hand is shaking, which only happens in cases of demonic possession and never to old people because Parkinson’s or essential tremor, eeek, I’m afraid.”

And it’s not exactly breaking new ground, which is fine with me. You’ve seen one exorcism movie, you’ve avoided seeing them all. That’s my motto.

OK, technically, it was that one episode of the X-files with the demon plastic surgeon, and technically, my eyes were covered and I was sobbing weakly. It still counts.

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