Poison Ivy vs. Audrey 2

February 18, 2011 at 4:52 pm (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , , )

Sometimes it’s hard to come up with fictional characters to face off. Other times, your coworkers say: “How about Poison Ivy vs. that plant from Little Shop of Horrors?” while a choir of angels sing and heavenly light shines upon them.

Thanks, nameless coworker!

For background, Poison Ivy is actually a person and not, as her name would suggest, a plant. Audrey 2 is actually a plant and not, as her name would suggest, a person. Although people don’t usually have sequels, so if she was a person, she’d probably be Audrey Jr., because some people actually do that, you know.

I hope when I become a supervillain, I get her hairstylist.

But not Audrey 2's dentist. Ha, ha, oh, right -- she ATE the dentist.

Also, Poison Ivy is a villain in the Batman universe and Audrey 2 is an evil space alien plant thing come to kill us all.

Let the battle … commence!

Physicality. Let’s face it. This category’s a gimme for Poison Ivy because unless there is something severely wrong with you (both psychologically and physically), there is nothing attractive about man-eating plants, alien species or no. Also, most people draw Poison Ivy hot, so she’s got that going for her. Winner? Poison Ivy.

Also? I certainly hope she's not WEARING poison ivy, or she is going to have a rash in some sensitive places.

More likely to date Batman? I’d like to give this category to Audrey 2, just because it would be funnier, but she’s kind of stuck in a pot in a plant shop and he lives in Gotham City, so it’s not like their paths are going to cross or anything. And besides, Poison Ivy’s got that mind control powder or whatever, so I think she actually has, on occasion, dated Batman. Winner? Poison Ivy.

They were royalty at your prom.

Wants to kill all humans? Like Bender and the Cylon Centurion before them, there’s nothing these ladies (?) (Is it really OK to call a man-eating plant a lady, even if it is named Audrey 2?) hate more than humans. Except for dinner, in Audrey 2’s case, am I right, ha, ha, ha? (Sometimes I have to write out the laughter when I’m not sure people will understand that something was supposed to be funny, and then I realize I’ve failed at my job as a humor writer.) Except ol’ Poison Ivy is still at least part human and has some human feelings and even fondness for other humans, as shown in that one issue of Gotham Central (Homicide: Life on the Streets — now with more Batman!) where she kills a corrupt cop for killing a runaway she was caring for. Winner? Audrey 2.

More likely to burst into song? Audrey 2 sometimes lives in a musical. Other times, she lives in a depressing black and white movie starring Jack Nicholson that has no singing whatsoever. But mostly a musical. Poison Ivy never lives in a musical, unless someone is planning on bastardizing Batman the way Bono and his evil Broadway buddies have done to Spiderman. (On the other hand, though, I’ve never liked Spiderman, so I kind of feel like he deserves it.) Winner? Audrey 2.

Has the gift of mobility? One of Audrey 2’s great flaws is that she (it? She-it?) is a plant and, thus, immobile.

Not like those asshole Triffids.

Poison Ivy, however, still being mostly human, can walk around on her human legs and even run if she wants to, and sometimes fly an invisible jet. Or perhaps that’s Wonder Woman. Winner? Poison Ivy.

Has a more fearsome nemesis? Audrey 2’s nemesis is Seymour, the plant owner who helped raise her from a little … plantling? or something. In a 1986 movie, he’s portrayed by Rick Moranis, who is anything but threatening. Poison Ivy is a villain in the Batman universe, which means her nemesis is Batman, unless it’s The Huntress or Nightwing or somebody, if the writer feels like it. But the truth of the matter is, even Barbara Gordon could take Seymour in a fight. Winner? Poison Ivy.

You've got to be pretty fearsome indeed to fight a mostly naked plant woman and not let your guard down a little.

Hangs out with a better class of villain? Audrey 2 seems to be the only one of her kind here on earth, unless there were a bunch of other ones that showed up at the same time she did, but nobody gave them any blood and so they all died. Alien invasion foiled! Poison Ivy sometimes pals around with Harley Quinn and the Joker and Catwoman and all them nefarious Gotham City sorts. Winner? Poison Ivy.

And sometimes Barbie.

I feel bad for Audrey 2. Comes from space? Audrey 2 comes from space. Winner? Audrey 2.

Awww, didn't she look so harmless -- kill it! Kill it!

Overall winner? Poison Ivy, because I really hate singing plants.

I'm sorry, did I say "singing"? I meant "plants." Just "plants."

Advertisements

4 Comments

  1. Travis said,

    I ♥ “Little Shop of Horrors”! In the original 1960 film the plant was actually called Audrey Jr. When they turned it into a musical they realized it was easier to rhyme things with “two” than with “junior”. 🙂 Audrey II got pretty mobile by the end of the 1986 movie… and more still in the original ending (that was cut thanks to stupid audience testing) – which kicks so much ass! Think Godzilla-esque world domination by many gigantic man-eating plants.

    Seymour – That’s what you wanted all along isn’t it? Thousands of you eating?
    Audrey II – NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

    And oh yeah, Poison Ivy is HAWT!

    • lokifire said,

      Holy cow, you are a veritable encyclopedia of Little Shop of Horrors knowledge. I’ve seen both movies and the musical, but I obviously don’t recall that much….

  2. Gerrys Blog » Blog Archive » Lotus Flower | MichaMi Style Blog » Blog Archive » Lotus Flower said,

    […] Poison Ivy vs. Audrey 2 « Hollywood Hates Me […]

  3. Luna89 said,

    OK, Even though its name is “Audrey II,” the plant is actually a MALE extraterrestrial alien lifeform. Seymour named the plant that because he is chronically obsessed with the real Audrey.

    And also duly noted, the plant has a male voice and he acts pretty kinky with the REAL female Audrey.

    Tentacle bondage? More like TENDRIL bondage! oh yeah… jk jk

    lol OMG this inspired me to draw something on DeviantArt. Thanks! I should of Thought of him! (who would win?) I don’t think Ivy stands a chance. xDD

    Plus I have a terrible rash thanks to Ivy and I want my revenge… *evil smirk*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: