Matt Damon’s been in a lot of movies lately

March 2, 2011 at 11:53 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , , )

The Adjustment Bureau. That opens this weekend. Oooh, and it’s got Terence Stamp, which is great news because Terence Stamp is AWESOME! Kneel before Zod and all that, you know?

Anyway, it appears to be some sort of thriller about a team of men in classy suits who are in charge of our fate, as imagined by Phillip K. Dick, because when he imagined anything, somebody was wearing a classy suit.

And fedoras. God, I love fedoras.

But Matt Damon and Emily Blunt fall in love despite that not being their fate, and so corrections have to be made. There’s the threat of Matt Damon lobotimization, which is always good news, and the aforementioned Terence Stamp in a classy suit, which is super good news, but other than that? Meh.

Which, coincidentally, is how I feel about Matt Damon, fedora or no.

The trailer tries to get you all excited, what with the pulsating music and the short sentences — “This Man. This Glance.” — because what’s more thrilling than a sentence written in passive tense? But the whole premise is a man fighting his fate for love, and it seems to be a woman he’s barely met. I mean, how in love could they possibly be? And don’t give me that “love at first sight” pablum. Ridiculous.

Ooooh, scratch that. I just fell in love with Emily Blunt's dress at first sight.

And speaking of love at first sight, Beastly! It’s a modern-day taken on the Beauty and the Beast myth, starring some chick from the High School Musical movies and some attractive blonde guy who doesn’t actually look bad at all in his “beast” form. More like a guy who got a little tattoo overzealous. Like, his fabulous facial structure and awesomely long limbs are all still there, so how hideous is he supposed to be?

All I know is that I want to tousle his hair so, so bad.

Whatever, it’s got Neil Patrick Harris in it as his blind tutor, so that’s awesome.

I don't care if it IS Neil Patrick Harris, I wouldn't let the blind guy throw darts in my living room.

It’s based on a young adult romance, of course, because what movies aren’t nowadays (OK, movies based on Phillip K. Dick short stories, fine), and it’s not getting bad reviews, but considering they were probably comparing it to Twilight in their minds, there’s really nowhere to go but up, you know?

I mean, Christ, as long as the writer is slightly literate, she's already ahead of whatsername. Oh, shame on me. I assumed the writer was a woman. But it totally is, right?

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