A love letter to Jenny Sparks; or, Yes, I have been reading a lot of Warren Ellis lately

March 4, 2011 at 3:07 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , , , )

Dear Jenny Sparks,

I think you’re great. You’ve got that whole unaging thing going on that I think is awesome. (See: Snow, Elijah for more details.)

I still love you best of all, Elijah Snow!

Not to mention that you’re a snarky blonde Brit, which is so hot! And actually, I guess I did just mention it, so never mind that whole “not to mention” thing.

And, like my boy Elijah, you can really rock a white suit.

I mean, Jenny, you had me at “unaging snarky blonde Brit,” but then you had to go and have superpowers too? Oh, Jenny Sparks, you are my perfect girl!

And, because you control electricity, that would be just one less bill for me to worry about. I love you.

Of course, I realize you’re a century baby, and, in fact, you were the spirit of the 20th Century, and, considering it’s now the 21st century (and has been for a decade, give or take), you’re quite dead. And I know there was this ridiculous Mark Millar storyline with a 21st century baby named Jenny Quantum, like, fecking really, Mark Millar? How awful is that? No wonder Ellis made sure to kill you off before he passed the reins over to that guy, Jesus. But the point I was trying to make before I got distracted by how Warren Ellis is superior in every way to Mark Millar is that there is no Jenny Quantum. Because frak you, Millar.

He's smiling 'cause he knows he's still superior to Dixon.

So you’re dead, Jenny Sparks, in addition to fictional, but I think we can work around it. I’m not quite sure how, but it involves all sorts of ridiculous plot twists, so maybe I should stop insulting Mark Millar and ask him to write the story of our epic love instead.

Actually, I think I'll just google more pictures of you.

I mean, hell, in Planetary, they figured out how to make a time machine and bring a fictional character to life, so I could totally combine both and boom! I have traveled back in time to meet you, Jenny Sparks, the A-#1 female superhero character that I love a whole bunch.

Game over indeed, Jenny Sparks.

And then we could get married.

Like Apollo and The Midnighter did. Apparently. Shit, when did this happen?

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1 Comment

  1. There’s a new James Bond film already | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] than last time, and a helicopter flies upside down, and … I’m sorry, I know that I love British things, but I just don’t care about James […]

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