With the proliferation of fantastical creatures out there in the modern dating world, it’s sometimes hard to know exactly what kind of weirdo you’ve got. But never fear: I’m here to help. This guide will help you discern if you are dating a Hobbit or just a short guy.
1. Does he have big, hairy feet?
2. Does he seem unwilling to give you a ring?
3. Does he spend a lot of quality time with his long-haired hippie friends?
4. Do you live on Middle Earth?
5. Does he have a cute little upturned nose?
6. When he’s not hanging out with hippies, is he pretty much unseparable from his BFF?
7. Does he pity, small, weak, hideously ugly creatures?
8. Can only he defeat a great evil?
9. Does he have an odd name, like “Bilbo” or “Frodo” or “Samwise”?
10. I mentioned the big, ugly, hairy feet, right?
Well, there. I certainly assume that answered all your questions.
Now, please enjoy the final movement of Johan de Miej’s Lord of the Rings Symphony. (It’s called Hobbits.)