Even if Dudley Moore had survived, he couldn’t have prevented this atrocity

April 7, 2011 at 11:43 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

The Arthur remake.

I didn't think I could possibly hate you more, Hollywood, so congratulations! You've proven me wrong.

Why did someone find that necessary? Why did someone find the fame of Russell Brand necessary?

And why didn’t I recognize Jennifer Garner? I was all like, I know I recognize that brunette, but how? Could someone save Helen Mirren? Why am I writing everything in the form of questions again????

You're too good for him, Helen Mirren! Punch him in the throat! Punch him in the throat!

But enough about Arthur and how I hope it tanks so Russell Brand will please, please, please just go away forever, how about Hanna?

And look at that! Adapt or die is totally my life motto.

Doesn’t it look awesome? I love child assassins. As a fictional concept, not as a reality. (Seriously, if any of you are raising your child to become the perfect assassin, there is something wrong with you and someone needs to take your child away, quickly, and give it lots and lots of hugs and possibly hot chocolate.)

Child assassins deserve hot chocolate.

Plus isn’t Saoirse Ronan just beautifully eerie, with her pale hair and blue eyes? You can’t look at that girl and not think she isn’t planning to kill you. (Or is a ghost, I guess, but I never saw The Lovely Bones.)

Spooooooooky.

And the fight scenes look suitably brutal, and Eric Bana doesn’t suck or anything and, whee!, Cate Blanchett!

So, yeah, let’s all pretend that of the two movies with people’s names as titles opening this weekend, one of them doesn’t exist and go see Hanna instead.

I just think Saoirse Ronan looks really cool in this photo, even if I can't pronounce her name at all.

Because throat punching.

Even throat punching is more awesome when a kangaroo does it.

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10 Comments

  1. greg said,

    That kangaroo really didn’t want to get its picture taken. Don’t mess with the kangaroo!

    • lokifire said,

      Kangaroo hurt you good.

      • dangerousmeredith said,

        As an Aussie I am very proud of that feisty kangaroo

      • lokifire said,

        And to think the kangaroo’s the least deadly of the native wildlife there!

  2. Jamin said,

    i wish Russel Brand would die. seriously, how does that guy actually get work? he’s so amazingly unlikable, it blows my mind right out my head.

    • lokifire said,

      I can’t explain it, but I wish it would stop.

  3. Jamin said,

    oh, yeah, and Hanna does look awesome. i was really hoping it wouldn’t, because the premise annoys me (i hated Kick Ass, and this seemed like an attempt to cash in on that piece of crap’s lack-of-success). but, yeah, i’m gonna have to see this movie.

  4. dangerousmeredith said,

    I think the first question of your blog sums the situation up perfectly.

  5. sally wolf said,

    i actually met Saoirse Ronan today.she was soo sweet! it was hard for me to believe she was an actress cuz I always heard actresses were kinda snobby but she was super down to earth.

    • lokifire said,

      Did she tell you how to pronounce her name?

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