Dear Dr. Bishop,
Can I call you Walter? Is that all right? I mean, everybody else does it, so I hope it’s all right.
Lately, I have been watching Fringe. And I have to say that, while your son is a wonderful specimen of human male what with his snark and good looks and 6 foot three-iness, my heart belongs to you.
Who doesn’t love a mad scientist, Walter?
Nobody! Nobody doesn’t love a mad scientist. The world at large loves a mad scientist. Just look at Frankenstein. Beloved. Jekyll. Much loved. Ummmmm…. Those are the only ones I can think of right now, Walter, but I assure you, as soon as I can remember more mad scientists, something about loving them. (This sentence got away from me, Walter, I hope you understand.)
But what is it that I love about you in particular, Walter?
Well, first off, it’s your devotion.
I mean, gosh! You totally doomed an entire universe to destruction because you loved your son so much you kidnapped an alternate version of him. That’s devotion! Also, you still have your record collection, and nobody’s listened to records in years, except maybe some hipsters I know, but who cares about those guys anyway. So devotion is one of your selling points.
Also, you have a really strong constitution, like, you can take so many drugs and not die. Admittedly, it’s because you’ve built up this huge tolerance and all, but most people would have died before they got to that point, so strong constitution it is. Which means you’ll hardly ever get sick, which means I won’t have to take care of you. Also, you’ve got your really hot son who takes care of you if something happens, so I should be set, no matter what.
Another thing I love about you, Walter, is the way you’re trying to save the world. I mean, sure, it’s pretty much (entirely) your fault that the world is probably going to be destroyed, but I don’t blame you for that. How could you have possibly known that tearing open a passageway between universes could cause horrible, horrible destruction later on? I mean, you couldn’t, right? And, besides, now you’re totally making amends by teaming up with your (excessively hot) son and his (elegantly badass) FBI agent girlfriend to, you know, save the world.
Oooh, also, you’ve got great hair.
Please consider my proposal.
If not, could you let me know if things don’t work about between your (so very extremely) hot son and his girlfriend?
You’re a doll, Walter. I appreciate it.