Damn you, Hollywood, for your romantic “comedies”

May 5, 2011 at 10:41 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

What the hell Something Borrowed?

This poster sucks and this movie sucks and also the tagline.

We’ve got Ginnifer Goodwin, who looks familiar for some reason, but not so much that I care, I guess, and we’ve got Goldie Hawn’s daughter, who just keep starring in this kind of crap, and then we’ve got Colin Somebody or Something, I don’t know, and then the cute guy from the office, and I just feel so bad for all of them. Like, gods, it would be less demeaning to take part-time work as a hotel desk clerk, you movie/television stars! Or, Kate, ask your mom for a loan!

I mean, should I know who this guy is or something? Because right now, I just view him as "Generic White Guy #258."

But, no, they had to be in this. I don’t even have an adjective for this because no one has invented an adjective that can accurately describe what is happening here, but “sucktacular” gets kind of close.

Overseas poster is kind of fun, though.

So, anyway, we’ve got these people who could probably do better, with the possible exception of Goldie Hawn’s daughter, because this is what she’s built her career on, in this movie about a girl who’s in love with her best friend’s fiance and sleeps with him, but it’s OK, because her best friend is kind of a jerk. Oh, and the best friend might not really be in love with the guy she’s going to marry, but ack single at 30? What kind of fate is that?

Quick, Ginnifer! Throw on this shirt and go to a bar and just take ANYBODY home. Hurry!!

And then the cute guy from The Office is in it, and he’s being all cute and stuff, and for the first time, I was actually like, well, thank God they’re not canceling The Office once whatsisname leaves, or this will be everyone’s fate. So I hope the cute guy from The Office stays on TV and doesn’t try to be in any more movies if this is what comes of it.

I also hope that he will someday let me tousle his hair, because that is totally a thing I would do for him.

Oh, and it’s based on a best-selling novel, like Twilight wasn’t enough to prove that the American reading public sucks and I hate them.

Dear Everyone: Seriously. You suck.

Also, Thor opens this weekend, I guess, and I couldn’t care less about that. Like, I can’t even get worked up into a snit about it, because blah blah blah Thor.

But he does go around shirtless a bit, so that’s fine.

Hooray for shirts and taking them off sometimes!

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