I told you they hated me, and here is proof

May 6, 2011 at 2:39 pm (Stuff that Bugs Me Right Now) (, , )

So, not only a live-action Akira movie (why???) but also they’re thinking of casting Keanu Reeves (WHY????) as my frakking hero KANEDA (WHYYYYYYYYYYY??????)!!!

Goddammit, this is the end times, after all.

And we deserve it if we are going to cast Keanu Reeves as Kaneda, because that casting makes the baby Jesus cry.



  1. greg said,


    Well, he’s the most Asian looking white guy in the bunch they were talking about (he’s part Chinese), so…um…yay? Not only is it going to be set in New Manhattan (why not New New York and get into the Futurama timeline?), but the kids aren’t even going to be kids anymore (probably).

    And is Hollywood just giving all the main anime roles to Keanu Reeves? Is the Cowboy Bebop movie even still being made?

    • lokifire said,

      Ooh, ooh, I have a great idea!
      Don’t make a goddamn Akira live-action movie, Hollywood! Then we don’t have to worry about casting Keanu Reeves because he’s sort-of Asian or re-writing it so it makes sense to the American viewing public. Also, then I won’t have to go on my killing rampage in Hollywood. I’m not looking forward to it, because first I’ll have to drive there, then I’ll have to kill all those people, and who’s got that kind of time, you know?

      • greg said,

        Mmm, nope nope. I don’t think we, Hollywood, can do that. Oh, better yet, how about we remake Akira as a buddy comedy with Keanu Reeves and Dan Akroyd! That should appeal to the demographic!

      • lokifire said,

        You’re going to feel soooo prescient when that’s what we get.

  2. Eldritch Dark said,

    I never told you about the time back in 1998 when I spotted and followed a drunken Keanu Reeves in West Hollywood in the middle of the day. He ended up behind my place of employment sharing a bottle with a homeless guy. I called the staff at the Chateau Marmont and they sent someone to come pick him up. No reward or anything. I know now that I should have left him to his own devices. I feel responsible for saving the guy and everything that has transpired since.

    • lokifire said,

      Yes, that was your chance to destroy him and save the world. That was your “go back in time and kill Hitler” moment, and you squandered it.
      I’m ashamed to know you.

  3. Eldritch Darkwear said,

    I didn’t know! Just like nobody knew about Hitler until it was too late. Besides, the phone booth outside the Circle K is broken, and I can’t go back in time to stop either of them.

    • lokifire said,

      Well, you know what you need to do now. You need to make friends with a mad scientist is what you need to do now. Then your new friend can invent the time machine and boom! Problem solved.

  4. JanieD said,

    Don’t get why Hollywood can’t make a simple phonecall over to Asia, and y’know, ask if they could borrow a relatively Asian-looking actor. But you never know, they might not have any of those people.

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