Vampires are scary again? Also: Paul Bettany’s abs

May 12, 2011 at 11:55 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

Priest opens this weekend, and thus continues someone’s quest to make Paul Bettany into an action star. I’ll forgive them for it this time, because his abs are awesome in the trailer.

Also, it was nice to see scary vampires leaping all about and just indiscriminately slaughtering the hell out of people, because monsters are so much better when we’re not humanizing them. Except for Frankenstein’s monster. He’s all right.

Oh, the HUMANITY!

Ooh, and is that Maggie Q in it? She’s got great legs.

I'll admit I'm a little scared of the woman.

And when you check out the cast list, Brad Dourif is in there and also Madchen Amick! It’s nice to see them earning paychecks.

Wasn't Mssr. Dourif great in that one episode of The X-Files?

But why does the movie tout that it’s “From the Acclaimed Graphic Novel”? I hate when movies do that, like if they admit it’s a comic book and a Korean one at that, then no one will love them or something. Also, was Priest really acclaimed? I never even read it, so I don’t know.

Acclaimed?

And that doesn’t even really matter, because this movie looks terrible.

Post-apocalyptic world? Check.

Look at that! I mean, how post-apocalyptic is THAT, you know?

Rebellious hero? Check.

Anti-hero, maybe? He is wearing a lot of black.

Evil ruling society? Check.

The same movie you’ve seen a million times before except Paul Bettany and his fabulous abdomen is in it? Check indeed.

"I've got a script for Priest here. Someone get me Paul Bettany on the phone and see if he can salvage this thing."

I mean, it all could have been done in a new and interesting way, but I don’t think it was.

Well, it does have these floating motorcycle things, so that's something.

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