The Joker vs. Krusty the Clown

June 21, 2011 at 9:46 am (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , )

One thing that everyone knows about clowns is that they are the minions of the devil. Sure, you might laugh at them when you see them, but deep down, you know you’re laughing at the devil.

Speaking of clowns, Krusty is a clown and the Joker kind of looks like a clown.

Pictured here: a clown.

Pictured here: a guy who looks like a clown. Who wants you dead. Because it might piss off the Batman.

(I’m just assuming you know who these guys are, because, Christ!, my granny knows who these guys are.)

Anyway, they’re both tools of Satan, but which one do we like better?

Let’s find out.

Physicality. Both these guys have the traditional clown makeup going for them, except in the Joker’s case he’s also horribly disfigured. Normally, in a battle of clowns, everybody loses, but being horribly disfigured is an extra strike against you. Winner? Krusty.

Any character that can ruin Heath Ledger's face isn't winning any beauty contests in my book.

Shows a marked lack of morals? The Joker is always doing stuff like murdering people in really horrible ways and plotting to murder people in really horrible ways, and probably killing their pets too, because he is really, really evil. Krusty, however, is a compulsive gambler, faked his own death, then faked his alter ego’s death, and sells such dangerous toys to the little childrens. Winner? Man, these guys both have the moral sensibilities of a dead squid. It’s a tie.

See, you can tell Krusty is evil because he's smoking. Oh, and also HE'S DRESSED LIKE A CLOWN.

Better sidekick? The Joker has his legion of henchmen willing to play to his every evil whim, which seems kind of stupid of them, because he’s always killing his henchmen, but maybe they’re all somewhat suicidal or something? Krusty the Clown has had two sidekicks (that I know of, since I quit watching The Simpsons years ago): Sideshow Bob and Sideshow Mel. Heh. Those guys are awesome. Winner? Krusty.

Sideshow Mel has a slide whistle!

More effective nemesis? The Joker’s nemesis is Batman, or The Goddamned Batman, as he is known in some circles. The Goddamned Batman is a master detective, proficient in, like, 872 forms of martial arts and 457 ways to kill you (he won’t use them, though, because he’s, deep down, a nice guy). Krusty the Clown’s most faithful adversary is Sideshow Bob, who keeps getting arrested and can’t even kill a 10-year-old boy. Winner? The Joker.

Eleven of those ways I can kill you only use my pinky finger.

Better origin? The Joker’s origins are either that he fell into a vat of acid and was permanently disfigured and went insane, or maybe that his daddy cut the sides of his face up, or maybe that he is “super-sane,” because Grant Morrison likes to be contrary, but the point of the Joker is that he has no fixed origin and could be anybody, really. Krusty the Clown was born as Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofski, the son of a rabbi, and worked his way up to become a somewhat successful comedian. Who dresses like a clown. Winner? Hey, Krusty’s father was a rabbi. What makes a better origin story than having a rabbi in it? Krusty for the win.

Rabbis make everything better! Except circumcision.

More likely to kill you stone dead? Are we talking on purpose or through sheer negligence? Because, really, you’re better off just avoiding these two like the plague. The Joker will murder you straight to hell and Krusty will either pratfall you to death or give you a lead- and arsenic-based toy to play with. Winner? A tie.

Better theme song? The Joker and Krusty might have theme songs of their own, but the songs I associate with each are Batdance and The Simpsons theme. God bless Prince and Danny Elfman. It’s a tie.

It's like I always say: Why dance when you can Batdance?

Overall winner? Krusty the Clown, because Two-Face is my favorite Batman villain. He’s so tortured!

P.S. Someone please get me this toy.

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6 Comments

  1. greg said,

    Well, the Joker did have Harley Quinn, who was so much fun on the TV.

    • lokifire said,

      Is she a sidekick? I thought she was more like, you know, a stalker.

      • greg said,

        She was a stalker, sidekick, henchman, and lover to the Joker all wrapped in one insane package. Really, their relationship was hard to figure out considering they were both crazy.

  2. Travis Bierwagen said,

    Ooooh LEGO Two-Face, nice! I love those little LEGO people and now they sell a variety of indiviudally packed LEGOmen, I have: a werewolf, mad scientist, frankenstein monster, guy in a hazmat suit, vampire, musketeer, alien, punk rocker and a few others. 🙂

    • lokifire said,

      That sounds lovely. I also want the Han in Carbonite Lego set, but it’s, like, hugely expensive.

  3. lflflglgkfgjgjjgggjhh said,

    ;;kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

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