Down with talking gorillas

July 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , )

I am so sick of movies with talking animals.

And they go to outer space and everybody learns a vaulable lesson and go to hell, Disney.

Especially ones where the animals are banding together to help some hapless sap find love. I mean, why would they do that? If animals were going to talk, especially zoo animals, wouldn’t they say things like: “This is like jail and we wish we were dead”?

Also: "This movie poster sucks."

But nooooooo. Captive animals want to help humanity, not eat them.

Especially the gorilla.

I mean gorillas never attack people. (Note: I am aware that gorilla is actually a person in a monkey suit, but it’s funnier that way.)

Besides, it's not like they got a real gorilla for the movie, anyway.

(And bananas never attack gorillas.)

(Some days, I like letting the links do my work for me.)

Anyway, more to the point, of course the talking animals were just waiting for Kevin James to show up. Like, they were all sitting around, not talking, thinking, man, I wish Kevin James would hurry up and get here so we could get to some hijinks! Also, I totally don’t want to eat him.

"I don't know about you, Clyde, but I kind of want to eat him."



  1. jeremyhrussell said,

    • lokifire said,

      GAHHHHHHHHHHH! So many creepy monkeys!

  2. Travis Bierwagen said,

    I just saw the trailer for Adam Sandler’s new movie where he plays twins… a brother and SISTER! *sigh*

    • lokifire said,

      That’s … even worse than the creepy monkey trailer.

  3. Bekah said,

    I’m sorry, but Zoo Keepernis MGM (Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer), not Disney. Just because Disney has over used (and pretty much ruin) the Air Bud thing doesn’t mean they have a monopoly on all bad talking animal movies.

    • lokifire said,

      And you should be sorry, Bekah. Thanks to you, now I’ve learned that I have to hate twice as many movie studios as before.
      Oh, alas! Why couldn’t I have remained ignorant???

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