It’s just that I hate monkeys so much

August 4, 2011 at 10:08 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , )

And please don’t tell me that the monkeys in Rise of the Planet of the Apes are probably apes and not monkeys, because they’re all monkeys, dammit. Horrible, creepy, murderous monkeys.

Just staring at you with barely contained murderous rage, their creepy monkey heads filled with evil, horrible, bad thoughts. Kind of like my cat.

I mean, jeez, James Franco’s character, I know you’re trying to cure Alzheimer’s and all, but why did you make a genius monkey? That’s just asking for trouble. It’s almost like you knew you were in a movie called Rise of the Planet of the Apes and felt compelled to do something to move the plot along.

Also, is that the chick from Slumdog Millionaire?

And another thing that bothers me about Rise of the Planets of the Apes, other than all the damn monkeys in it (oh, and they’re CGI monkeys, which is somehow even worse), is that, apparently, we’re responsible for the apes taking over the planet? I mean, apes couldn’t have just evolved on their own, right? We had to help them along? I get that, yeah, we’re supposed to have had a hand in our own destruction, but I always figured we wiped ourselves out, then a century or two later, the apes were all like, “Well, gee, let’s start a civilization, guys,” and then Charlton Heston showed up.

Video cover kind of gives it away there.

But I guess I was wrong.

Yeah, it might've been Troy McClure.



  1. Travis Bierwagen said,

    I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan-Ay to Cimpanzee… no you’ll never make a monkey out of me… OH MY GOSH… I was wrong! It was earth all along!

  2. Natalie said,

    I’m with you! I refuse to watch any of the Planet of the Ape movies but they are just too creepy! Why won’t they stop making them?!

    • lokifire said,

      Because Hollywood Hates Us.

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