I recently re-watched the great outer space flick Sunshine and I noticed a thing I had never noticed before.
The guy who plays Mace is Captain America!
Admittedly, probably the reason I never noticed that the first time I watched it was because he hadn’t been cast as Captain America yet, and also I was too busy gazing at Cillian Murphy.
The point of this point is that Chris Evans is really handsome.
To all the wanks who come to this site, insult me and run away:
I don’t mind if you insult me. I probably deserve it for disliking something you like, or liking something you don’t like, or making a joke about Winry Rockbell’s (cartoon) boobs. But from now on, I kindly request that you limit your missives to 50 words or less. I mean, sure, if you bore me to death, technically you win, but I ask that you knock it the hell off anyway. I’m not your World Literature professor; I didn’t ask for an essay.
If you insist on leaving a comment that is excessively long and stupid, please know that from now on, your inspired verbiage will be replaced by either a pithy remark about your sexual inadequacies or any variation on a Yo Mama joke.
(I’m actually looking forward to this.)
And a big fat thank you to my readers who don’t feel the need to bore me with their longwinded, needlessly convoluted opinions. That is why I read your blogs. (By which I mean, I enjoy reading your opinions, not that I go to your blogs to get bored.) Hugs!
Lately, I’ve been neglecting to fill this blog with photographs of Cillian Murphy. I shall now remedy the situation by having his character in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight face off against a scarecrow of a different color: The scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.
As far as background, both characters go by “Scarecrow,” but only one is played by Cillian Murphy. For convenience sake, let’s call The Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz Scarecrow and The Scarecrow from Batman Scarecrow (B).
Let’s get to battlin’.
Physicality. Scarecrow is a scarecrow. Scarecrow (B) was played by Cillian Murphy in the movies that I thought got kind of boring, but everybody else really seemed to like a lot. Winner? Cillian Murphy.
Is evil? If there’s one thing the folks in the DC Universe are good at, it’s giving Batman some awfully wicked foes to fight. (I didn’t say they’re always good at it.) Scarecrow (B) is one of those foes, who likes to spray his victims with some kind of fear gas that I would know more about if Two-Face wasn’t my favorite Batman villain. Scarecrow Seems like a nice enough guy. Then again, he is a scarecrow. But not a scarecrow with fear gas. Winner? Scarecrow (B).
Lives in a magical land filled with wonder? Scarecrow (B) lives in Gotham City, which I think is the penal colony version of New York City. So it’s filled with something, all right. Just not wonder. Scarecrow lives in Oz, where nobody ever dies (except when L. Frank Baum forgets that rule and someone dies) and no one grows old (see last paranthesis) and there is magic and wonder all over the place. Winner? Scarecrow.
Faces a greater adversary? I’ve been using the word “foe” a lot, eh? Adversary it is. Scarecrow has to face off against a powerful evil witch. That seems like it would be troublesome, but it turns out she’s like those stupid aliens in that stupid movie and stupid stupid M. Night Shyamalan. Anyway, she’s totally defeated when someone splashes water on her, which, gosh, is even easier than sucker punching somebody.
Scarecrow (B) has to fight Batman. Well, he doesn’t have to, but he’s crazy and a villain, so he does. And we all know there’s no tougher opponent than Batman. Winner? Scarecrow (B).
Has brains? Scarecrow (B) has brains. Scarecrow gets bilked out of his rightful brains by a phony wizard, who doesn’t even open the head of one of the witch’s flying monkeys and scoop a bowl out for the poor bastard. Winner? Scarecrow (B).
Has better friends? Scarecrow befriends a little girl named Dorothy, a cowardly lion named The Cowardly Lion and the tin man named the Tin Man. Oz was a very literal place.
Anyway, they all go on adventures, murder a witch and become the bestest of friends. Scarecrow (B) is a sociopath. Some sociopaths have friends, maybe, but they’re probably thinking that any moment they’re going to get stabbed in the eye, so I’ll bet they’re not the kind of friends who help someone move. Winner? Scarecrow.
Ends up ruling a kingdom? Scarecrow (B), like so many of Batman’s enemies, ends up in Arkham Asylum a lot. Which isn’t so much a kingdom as a mental instution that is also haunted. Also, he doesn’t really rule it so much as rot in a cell. On the other hand, Scarecrow ends up ruling, I don’t know, the Winkies or some damn body. Winner? Scarecrow.
Didn’t get ruined by the live-action movies, like my favorite villain, Two-Face, did? Hey, you can’t go wrong when you cast Cillian Murphy as anybody. He’s brilliant. Ummmm, and Scarecrow wasn’t ruined by the movie either, but I’m still going with: Winner? Scarecrow (B).
Overall winner? Gotham City’s terror at night: Jonathan Crane.
God help me, I won’t me to do it, but I will laugh at you so hard if I ever see you wearing this shit.